Hot For Teacher... (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Five- Drawings on the Walls

Song is The Adventures of Raindance Maggie by The Red Hot Chili Peppers, because it's awesome. I mean just listen to that killer bass line, Flea is a fucking killer. :P And their new guitarist Josh is awesome and in my opinion a good roll to fill John's place. (Sorry people who don't know about the Chili Peppers XD I could go on all day about them.)

The picture is the drawing that Matthew does on the wall but less twisted and cool.

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(Kellin)

    I slowly open my eyes, squinting from the rays of sunlight escaping through a crack in the curtains. The smell of sweat and sex protrudes my nostrils as I sit up, rubbing the back of my neck. I look next to me and my eyes widen as I remember exactly what I did last night.

    I had unprotected sex with a student.. MY STUDENT! Twice! Oh god, and I liked it, A LOT. It was probably some of the best sex I've ever had.. I'm a fucking pervert! The sick thing about it is that I'd probably do it again..

    I can't let anybody know about this, this was a mistake. What would happen if the school found out?!? I would get fired and go to jail! I would never be able to teach again. That age difference is legally counted as rape.

    I look down at us and the only thing we're in is our boxers. How am I gonna play this off?!? Right as he opens his eyes, I don't even give him time to think, or say anything. I just blurt out without thinking, in a voice that sounds too cold to be my own,

    "What happened last night didn't mean anything okay? I-It was a spur of the moment type thing, and it would be best if the school weren't to know about it, and you should probably leave."

    The look of shock on his face lasts about only a second, until it's replaced with a smile, a fake smile.

    "It's okay, it's not like that hasn't been said to me before, and you're right. I should go.. Thanks for letting me stay the night..." The hurt in his voice was masked with, nothing honestly. He just hid all emotion in his voice, causing it to be mono toned. Blank. Please kill me for this.

    I say nothing as he gets up. Silently pulling his pants on and walking out the bedroom door, leaving it open. I see him pick his shirt up from the floor next to the couch along with his jacket. He pulls his messenger bag over his shoulder, stepping into his shoes and scratching his wrists, I've noticed that it's a nervous habit of his.

    He slips out the door, no emotion on his face, but his aura tense. When he closes it behind him, I let out a huff. I shouldn't have said any of that... I'm an ass and he probably lost all trust in me. Why did I have to go and fuck everything up?

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(Matthew)

    The first thing I did when I got home was cut, I had pulled my razor out right as I shut and locked the door. I had kept the lights off, just turned on my music and sat in the corner, a blade to my wrist, crying. Not only because of Kellin, but I guess I'm back to being that shadow in the corner again. I was just starting to learn how to not do that.. It's where I belong.

    So that's where I am, in my room. My room has always been a place of madness for me. As I've said before, I have a few... Disorders.. I try not to let the sadness and the darkness out when I'm around people. The only place I can vent is in here when I'm all alone.

    So most of what I do is just sit in the corner cutting myself, drawing on the walls and listening to music. I draw on my walls all the time, I just get a black fat sharpie and get to work, pictures, song lyrics, album covers. I have a giant wall drawing of the album In Utero by Nirvana on my wall. 

    Some of the drawings there, the poems and phrases I wrote are really fucked up or dark. I stare blankly at the one that I had written just moments before, thinking that it's horrible. If anyone actually ever saw these scribbles, poems and songs that are my only way of letting it out, they would think it's horrible. A disgrace to anything that has ever been music. 

    Okay maybe it's me just freaking out on myself again but I really don't know anymore. I love to write, it's my passion but most times I think all I write is horrible. I just shrug it off, change the song blaring through my stereo speakers Don't Forget Me by The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and go back to my wrist. 

    I dig the blade into my wrist, dragging it across slowly to let the pain drag out more. I let the blood drip down my arm onto the floor and look out the window. I've been here for quite a few hours so it's already getting dark.

    This is when the madness starts. Night time is when my paranoia acts up most. I'm guessing that I'm not gonna get much sleep tonight. I might as well not even try. I cut again, savoring the pain as best as I can because I know in the morning when I have to go to school that I'm not going to be able to escape until at least lunch or when school is over. Then I can go hunt out Ronnie and Ryan. 

    (A:N: Haha, I'm not telling you who Ronnie and Ryan are yet...)

    I stare at the wall, wishing that what happened between me and Kellin never happened. Now he rejected me just like everyone else did, how fucking ironic that I was beginning to trust someone and this shit happens. 

    I love how life has a way of fucking me over every time. I love how I can never achieve what I want, I don't think I can take much more of this shit. I grip my hair and lean my head on my knees that are curled up to my chest and continue to cry. 

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     After much crying and cutting until my wrist couldn't feel anything anymore. I decided to stop and go draw on my wall. So I pull a chair up to the corner and stand on it so that I can reach the ceiling part. 

    Marker in hand I start drawing, trying to describe my feelings as best as I can with a picture. Hmmm, how do I feel? I feel dark, I feel upset. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, I feel self destructive. 

    I let my hand guide itself, in the dim room I can hardly see what I'm drawing. I sketch and draw and sketch til my hand goes numb. I drop the marker on the ground and step down, wiping sweat from my forehead as I take a final look at what I drew (A/N: take one look to -----> please) I don't think it's good. But I don't think anything I do is good.

    I sit on my window sill, looking outside. Wondering if Chase is downstairs again, hanging out with my dad.. If he is, lord knows what he could do. I just wish that yesterday never happened. God dammit I fuck everything up!!

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Okay so sorry for the really short chapter but due to the way I want the story line to break up into chapters, this filler chapter has to be here. Next chapter will be extremely better.