Strong ➸ a.f.i. (slow updates)

zero. (under reconstruction)

Well hi there my names Spencer and life isn't easy right now, and I have no other resort other than to kill myself. First off let me explain to you what is going on.

So about a year and a half ago my dad passed away and I'm not going to lie it's been really tough. I was really close with my dad. I told him everything and not having a best friend to tell everything to anymore really sucks. My mom didn't take it too well. She started going out more and more and drinking a lot because she thought if she did she would forget about him, but in reality it only made it worse. Then she thought if she could sleep with everyone in the whole damn town it would make everything better, but that made it even worse. She became known as the town's drunk slut that lost her husband.

Now everyone thinks she is insane. Which is true, but I think once she talks to someone about this she will feel better, or maybe not. That doesn't always work.    

Today is the first day back after Christmas break, where I started cutting. I know what you're going to say "OMG thats so terrible" or "You need help" well yeah maybe I do need help, but I don't want it unless it's from my dad who isn't even here.

Of course everyone at my school thinks I'll be just like my mom, only because I've kissed a few boys since my dad passed away. Those boys turned out to be real assholes. They  lied to me and said "Oh Spenc, I really do care about you" and blah blah blah. That was all bullshit because once they kissed me they went and told everyone that they got in my pants, which is no where near the truth. My own friends didn't believe me.

Why are people such assholes? Why can't I just once meet a nice guy who doesn't know me or my past and won't judge me. That's all I want in life, to get away from this hell hole and move to somewhere like Australia where no one knows me, but of course that'll never happen.

Life sucks and that's really it.