I didn't hear the door open, too deep in thought to hear anything but the ringing in my ears. At some point I had laid back onto the scratchy sheets that covered the squeaky I was sitting on. I had my arms crossed over my eyes as I laid there, but they were soon lifted up, revealing Flynn's worried face. I sat up, leaning on my elbows for support.
I looked up at him, my vision still a little blurry, "yeah?" My voice was thick from going so long without talking. I gulped as I waited for Flynn to answer me. He was hesitant to speak, "are you okay?" He seemed so genuinely concerned I felt guilty for making him worry. I let a small smile form as I answered him, "of course I'm fine." He only hummed in reply as he sat a plastic bag on the bed I wasn't sitting on. He began pulling out the few necessities he had bought earlier in the day as he turned to me.
He watched the door as he spoke, "Carter is outside, we were gonna order a pizza but we realized it was too late for delivery, so we're going to go to a Jack In The Box we saw across the highway," he continued, "you wanna just go wait outside with him while I take a quick shower, or do you wanna go first?"
I shook my head and stood up, "I'll shower when we get back, go ahead, I'll be outside." He answered with a small nod and a soft humph as he walked towards the bathroom. I curled my hands and stuck them into the pocket of my hoodie. The hood was already up, warming me significantly. As I walked outside I felt a nip from the cool breeze that hit my face. I could already feel my nose reddening as I walked over to where Carter was. His hair was still wet at the ends and just the thought made me shiver. He was looking down at the seemingly empty parking lot as he fiddled with loose threads on the sleeves of his denim jacket. His demeanor had changed, his happy aura fading after he threatened the man in the hall. I stood next to him with my back to the railing, purposely leaning in closer to him as a way to get warmer. We stood there in silence as he watched below us and I counted the number of cracks I found in the crumbling walls of the motel. I was on four when he began talking. At first it seemed like I wasn't meant to be listening, but I did anyway, latching onto his every word.
"How can people live their whole lives afraid of the 'what ifs'?"
I stayed quiet as I pondered his question. I turned and leaned on the railing, balancing on my elbows with my face in my hands, my cheeks warming significantly.
"Fear of failure, probably."
He nodded, "or fear of something worse."
We were still staring at the almost desolate parking lot, a car rolled in with tinted windows and a fading paint job. Out stumbled a man and a woman, obviously happier than most of the other temporary tenants staying tonight. They held hands and hope as they made their way to the lobby. They reminded me of Sawyer and Esme on their good days. I sighed as I closed my eyes, letting the wind cool my now heated face.
"What could be worse than failure," I questioned in a murmur.
He didn't even turn to look at me, but a lazy smile slowly spread on his face, "not trying."
I scoffed and turned away from him when I heard Flynn open and close the door of our room. He was wearing the same clothes he had been for the last two days and I almost pitied him at that moment. Carter obviously noticed as well, as he told him to just take some of his clothes, claiming that they would fit them. Flynn smiled and muttered a small thank you before reminding us of the only reason we had left the room in the first place.
Now, I'm not a picky eater in the slightest. I practically survived off fries, but not even I found past midnight Jack In The Box appetizing. We had piled into the car and had driven across the street only to go through the drive thru and go straight back to the motel. The smell of grease was already spreading through the car, making my stomach growl. Flynn chuckled as I told him to shut up.
