rooftop

Friendship

You once stayed awake with me all night, texting back and forth with school the next day because you knew what would happen if I was left alone. It was one of my favourite moments, and I'm reminded of it every so often, on the nights that are just a bit darker than the rest. How ironic that you would become the cause of so many of them.
But we guarded each other against our demons, putting ourselves second to make sure the other person made it through. There was beauty in that. There was friendship. We've both found replacements now, but the idea remains the same.
We are the guardians of those we love.
We are their protectors, their soldiers, their poets and ears and teachers and shoulders. We are whatever we must become, as long as they are safe from harm.
And how beautiful a concept is that?
Self-preservation is a basic human instinct. We are hardwired to put our own well-being before anyone else, and yet we sacrifice, so much so that we become connected to one another in ways that cannot be undone. Without witness or reward. Like a father caring for his child. We would jump in front of an oncoming train, withstand beatings, give up our own time and possessions, all for another.
But then, the question becomes is it worth it? To give of yourself little by little until ultimately you have nothing left? That was something you said to me once, during one of our many nights, and the words have stayed with me ever since. You spoke of me, without knowing it. I had nothing left.
So is it worth it to fall, so deeply and intimately, into friendship with another human being only to have it end the way we know it inevitably will? For a long time I would've said no, but, as I said, your words changed me. You told me that we are the sum of all we've given, and all we've received. The bits of human soul that have been shared little by little become part of us. I don't know how much of myself is me anymore, but I suppose a good measure of a person's love is the diversity of their soul. And that's another thing I've learned.
So I guess you taught me love.