So I've been gone for months, trust me I've tried to write stuff but I just don't have the motivation to. But I'm slowly building myself back up and I wanted to share something with you guys. I will resume my short stories, I'm working on finishing my Vikk and JJ "book" and I wanna try and fix all the mistakes in my minizerk "book" but for the time being here's this...
Depression is different for a lot of people, some have the same experience and others don't. This is what depression is for me. Depression is not wanting to go to bed because I'll lay awake for hours in the darkness and it doesn't matter how loud I turn up the music in my headphones or turn up the volume on my tv I still here my demons. Some are whispering, the others screaming, causing my head to hurt. I'll start to cry till I feel sleepy but I dread going to sleep because I know when I wake up I'll have to run to the bathroom to be sick and I'll have to repeat a whole day. A whole day of feeling nothing, I'm not tired or angry or sad and I'm definitely not happy but I would take feeling like shit over feeling nothing any day. Depression for me is having random breakdowns anywhere at anytime, it doesn't matter who I'm with or what I'm doing it will just happen. I'll start crying and I can't stop, I'll try my hardest but it just makes it worse and then my anxiety will start to kick in and I feel like I'm suffocating, my breaths are getting shorter and I'm crying more. Sometimes minutes, sometimes hours later I'll be fine. I felt so ashamed that my mood was based on pills that I refused to take them. Depression is a mental illness that so many people suffer from and it's not until something tragic happens that we speak about it and that should change.
This isn't for attention but for awareness, you shouldn't feel ashamed of having a mental illness whatever it may be. If you feel like something isn't okay with your mental health then speak to someone❤️
