Trouncing Reoccurence

A Loss

AKARI'S POV

The sun's illuminating light broke the night sky tearing the darkness up. As expected, nothing more can be expected from the sunrise other than an upcoming morning which meant another day to school. Picking up my courage to move from bed, I walked in my usual clumsy posture to the mirror. I looked at my appearance; my long soft red hair was tangled like a crushed paper, nice! The next thing I did was sitting on the breakfast table as I sat down on my chair. Looking at the omelette as it was being served, as hot as lava, it was dancing playfully in the plate. It looked funny, isn’t it? I bet it was seducing me to eat her, but unfortunately Mrs. Omelette, I am more prestigious than to dance with you. However, I can sleep next to you, so there is no need to feel heartbroken for me! I rested my head on the table as I literally smiled to no one, but the omelette to-be-eaten in front of me; she was so cute that she made me shut my eyes making the angel of sleep to come by holding my soul within his hands and drifting me into a deep nap.
After what seemed like an hour, I suddenly woke up at my mom’s piercing scream; “You are late!”
Well, as usual I literally fell in love with my breakfast again and the next thing I did, I dashed to my room changing my clothes and grabbing my bad as I rushed out of the house. Out of my expectation, I slipped out of my pace and fell, what could have been more unlucky than this?
I sat in my drivers car brushing my miserable hair on my way to school and and last, everything is done, but not until I found out that I forgot to wear socks before wearing my shoes. Misfortune follows me everywhere. Well, there is nothing to do about it.
Arriving at school, I met the angel. I didn’t mean that literally though, but she was more than a saviour to me, she gave me a new motivation for life as well as she taught me new things which made me blossom into a new rose. I wish to be one of her best friends. It wasn’t a crush on her, but a long-lasting favour that I will always be holding dearly for her in my heart, she is the kindest person I have ever known, she was my friend.
Seeing her approaching near me, I raised my arm and started to wave to her, “Good Morning, Sam!” she looked at me from the corner of her eyes and smiled, no, that’s was just a wry smile though as she passed by me without any words. I forgot to mention that these days she was keeping a distance away from me almost as if she was pushing me away. I don’t even know why did she suddenly change, this was quite painful to me since I have always got heartbroken from rejections, but I guess I have already told you about how drastic misfortune on me is.
The day moved on slightly in its usual boring speed as my headache increases with it. All what teachers do is to explain and assign us tests and quizzes which ends up in having us get bad marks and get scolded by our parents as well, but in the end we learn from our mistakes, so it is worth it except for the part where they out stress and pressure on us. Too much pressure can crush us, you know.
The day ended calmly, yet I was still nervous about Sam’s behaviour with me because this is not the first time for her to act in this way. My mind was busy about her all the day. My greatest fear is to lose our friendship, but at this rate, it might actually end up as that... My heart have always felt things before they happen as I knew very well that something unpleasant is going to happen as well as her behaviour was a foreshadow for something that I fear and that I am trying to prevent.
I came back home after a long tiring day as I indulged with conversations with my parents as we are lunch. Later on, I rushed to my room as I starting finishing my assignments as quick as I could to have some time to text Sam as usual.
After a few hours of studying while eating, I was done with the pyramids of tasks that were larger than the Egyptian pyramids themselves. I reached my hand out as I grabbed my phone. The moment I saw the messages, my heart started bleeding, the whole world fell upon my head. My hands started shaking violently as the phone fell from my hands, tears broke out of my very two eyes uncontrollably. My notorious fear has become true, and my senses were right.
‘I am so sorry Akari, but we cannot be friends because you disturb me as well as your personality is different than mine. We do not talk a lot, so it is impossible for us to be friends. I hope you find friends better than me.’ I kept staring at the message for hours trying to find explanations as I kept recalling all my actions and words with her. Unluckily, they were all normal, but confusion showered over me as I kept weeping till the next morning.
The sun rose shining in my room lightening it, but I was still crying hoping for someone to hell me out and hoping for it to be a dream. That was tearing me up. It was not a break up between a couple, but it is a breaking of a friendship perhaps this is way more painful.
I moved from bed preparing myself for school. Tears could not stop from falling, but I tried my best to plaster a fake smile on my face to block my mom’s curiosity if she knew about my sadness. I went to school the next hour and my plan is to get answers from Sam.
I waited in class for Sam to arrive to school and when she entered from the door I found her best friends and her squad following her as they were talking and laughing....laughing?
My mind kept on processing what was happens in front if my eyes. She broke our friendship and moved on. In other words, she didn’t even care for our friendship and forgot about me and right now, she is laughing and enjoying her life leaving me in my destroyed state. I decided to wait till the end of the day.
Meanwhile, I sat in the sessions unable to hold my tears. Once a tear existed my eyes, I’d lie and say that I am sleepy. In the end, no body knows how much I am in deep pain, they might not even understand it. I couldn’t hold myself because with each minute that passes, my heart is crushed heavier. Every time my eye gazes on her, I could have sworn that she was looking back at me too. With each time our eyes meet, I would hope that my pain and emotions could be delivered to her and could be seen through my eyes, but the question is: does she care?
After some hours, the day ended, but i haven’t actually realized it nor did no hear the school bell ringing. I only have known that by the fact of the girls taking their bags and leaving. I prepared myself for the confrontation as I went up to her...
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What happened was more than enough for me to commit suicide. I wish if I were able to explain this. “Akari, you cannot force me because i don’t want to! Face the reality... and don’t tell me you will change yourself for me because what is done has been done...I don’t even know what have I done for you so that you can get that much attached to me being your friend...We are not friends, so stay away and do not make me angry...behave so that it won’t get worse...” her words kept repeating on my mind. I remember them as how I could remember my name. Who could ever forget such a rejection and pain? I even cried in front of her, but no body could feel me, and no one can help me.
It is not a lesson to be learnt, but a story to be told. It is an excuse for my death, but what will happen if I committed suicide?
Time passed in remorse, regret, and pain and yet after two months, my situation has gotten worse. Everybody thinks I am the bad one now, they all are staying away from me and breaking friendships with me. Well, if my friendship with a friend that I cherished mostly was broken, then does it matter if I lost everybody? This is unfair! They think I am a cause aid problems and mischief. They keep on spreading rumours and spoiling my reputation everywhere. I hate this life and I hate the day came to this school and the day I knew these people. I hate the day I was born!
For the third time in my life, I am thinking of suicide. As much as i want to die, as much as I wish to do some things and fulfill my dreams before i am dead and soon enough, some of the sadness inside of me has changed into an urge. It is not an urge for death, but an urge for revenge at some point. Isn’t this a good reason to keep me motivated on staying alive? I cannot say sorry for the monster I have become since they are the ones who have made me into it! The pain they have embedded into my heart is permanent for eternity, but this has changed me a lot perhaps drastically. They are mean, but I will not give up.
If I wanted to escape this pain, I must die or at least I should get rid of the humanity left in me...
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