Broken Vessels

| Chapter II- Cole |

| July 29, 2017 |

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Picture above: Jaco Van Den Hoven as Cole Dixon

Warning: Several censored cuss words in this chapter. Not because I use them and/or approve of them, but because it goes with Cole as a person. So please don't mind it too much. 

Anywho, enjoy!!

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| Chapter II- Cole |

*People are more what they hide than what they show. -Pravinee Hurbungs*

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It was almost comical, really, how everyone in this classroom thought school was one of the worst things to happen to them. They didn't realize life is one big b**ch and offered good only to those who had more to offer to it than others. They didn't realize life was cruel a lot of the times and the good things were just for show.

I shook my head slightly, not putting up with it. It sucked and there was nothing I could do to change it or stop it. People were oblivious to the lot of it. No one would understand even if it was spelled out to them. Unless one lived it, they wouldn't understand. Ever.

Mrs. Jordans droned on about the wonders of English and how the world would be a despicable place without it. If there was one thing I could say about her class and her teaching, it's that she was passionate about what she was teaching and it wasn't necessarily boring because of it. And she wouldn't take any bs from anyone. That alone meant the class would be a good one.

But it wasn't enough to keep me interested. I had enough on my mind. Too much to deal with. And the worst part about it was that I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I couldn't spill it out.

No one would understand unless they were wearing the same pair of shoes I was. And I wasn't about to put my neck out there for help because that's when the judgments would make their way in my life and that's the last thing I needed. 

Instead, I kept to myself and people probably thought I was a freak because of it, but I couldn't give a rat's a**. My life was my own and what I was going through wasn't for them to know. I was living my life in the best way I could without raising too much suspicion or adding more pain.

As I continued to listen to my music and watch what was happening the class, I couldn't help but start coming to conclusions about the classmates around me.

The kids in the front were the kids who were most eager to please the teacher and prove their smarts to those in the classroom. The ones in the middle were the kids who neither wanted the attention nor the seclusion us students in the back got. They had the smarts but not enough to always please the teacher and annoy the rest of the class.

Then you had people in the back. Whereas I was in the back as well, I liked to think I had more of a reason to be here than them. After all, I needed to hide. To hide and never show my face. My true face. To hide my truth and my reality.

"Cole Dixon!" a voice exclaimed, drawing me from my thoughts and my music. I tensed up slightly at the tone. The pain in my arm became prominent and I quickly shook away the images that began to flash in my mind.

I covered my arm even though it was already covered and I looked at Mrs. Jordans who was waiting a little impatiently for me to acknowledge her.

"Yes ma'am," I replied stiffly, feeling the eyes of every student on me. I felt their judgemental stare and their mockery. I felt their silent words echoing around me and I found it hard to breathe.

Don't think about it. You're being paranoid.

But are you really? What if they can see you? Through you? What you're trying to hide?

Impossible! I covered everything! My mask is flawless!

The war I had in my mind died down and I felt like I could breathe again. I looked around the room which had gone back to normal as Mrs. Jordans continued called out names.

However, one pair of eyes still watched me with no emotion. Her hazel colored eyes seemed to study me and I gave her a cold look in return. She should mind her own business and stop staring. Didn't her mother teach her that staring at a stranger was rude?

She stared a bit more before turning back to the front. I frowned slightly. That was weird. She had no frown, no sarcastic smile, no judgemental eyes, nothing. And that was disturbing. But it wasn't my problem. I wasn't here to get to know people. I was here to get the education I needed and leave for good. Leave my nightmare behind and make a new life of myself...if I could. Maybe I was too broken.

I pulled the beanie further down my head and sunk more into the seat, hoping that I could hide further away and become invisible to the world around me. After all, I was great at hiding. 

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