Three Eleven Thirteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

I inched away from Ellie without thinking about it. I felt my body go rigid in shock as I realized the depth of his words.   

Kiss. He offered to kiss. My father's creation, the very being I had feared only a few months ago. He wants to kiss me. I stared at him, he was looking straight at me with an unreadable expression. What was he thinking? Did he want this? I can't kiss him, that'd be absurd.

I shook my head, "Ellie, we can't." The words felt disgusting as they escaped my mouth, but I didn't know what else to say.

If I kissed him, I don't think I'd ever feel the same again.

He stared at me blankly, "Why not?"

Why not? I don't even know why, other than the fact that it just seems wrong. There's no point in telling him that, because he wouldn't understand. I don't even fully understand it.

"I-"

"Ripley." He spoke so calmly, so full of patience that made me feel even worse about the situation. "Is this not normal?" He's never acknowledged the fact that he wasn't normal. It was as if he were suddenly open with me.

Open about the things he thinks about.

"Is this considered normal?" I said it before I realized I was even thinking it.

"Why are you asking me what is normal? You're human, I am not." The way he spoke was with a hint of something I couldn't quite detect. The look on his face as he called me human was almost one of jealousy. I could feel it radiating off him.

He is jealous.

I want to fight him and tell him he is just a human as I am, but the words get lost in my throat.

"Fine." I turned towards him, "You're right, if you want to be normal, you have to do normal things. I said that kissing is normal, so we will kiss."

Once again, his expression was unreadable. I began to lean down towards him, but the closer I got, the more anxiety I felt. It wasn't until our faces were inches apart that I pulled away.

Damn it.

"Sorry." I mumbled, not really sure why I was apologizing. I shook my head, "I don't think I can do th-" I was cut off by him pulling me closer until his lips met mine. At first, I felt awkward, but it didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't bad. The cold of his body was oddly comforting, and his lips were soft, that I found myself wanting more.

His body was tense, as if he wasn't sure how to actually kiss, or if he even wanted to. I pushed myself closer to him, and only then did he begin to relax. He softened his grip on my shoulder, and I ran my hand through his hair.

I was leaning against him, my chest against his as he leaned back onto the couch. I've never kissed a boy like this before, and despite Ellie's newness to kissing, he was doing better than any boy I've ever set my lips on.

I didn't bother to think about how he knew what to do, or why he seemed to want it more than me. There is no explanation for the feelings that he was giving me. The wanting, the chills, the wrongness.

This is wrong. I shouldn't be doing this. But I want this.

But it's wrong.

I pulled away.

Ellie gave me a questioning look, but he didn't push further. I inched away from him suddenly feeling guilty for having enjoyed every bit of that.

In fact, I wanted more, and that scared me.

I stood up, and cleared my throat. "We can't do that again."

He stared at me for a long moment, and only nodded. I felt my entire body heat up, not from embarrassment but from anger. I was angry at myself for ever letting it get like that.

For ever doing it at all.

I left Ellie on the couch as I went up to my room and plopped on my bed. I dug my face in my pillows, wishing I could forget about what just happened. Instead, it played over and over in my mind like a film. It wouldn't stop, and I felt I were going mad, because as irritating as it was to think of it, a part of me wished I could add to the memory.

To go down and kiss him again.

I didn't sleep the entire night. I tried, but every time I shut my eyes I'd think about Ellie. He seemed to be taking over my mind and I wanted it to end. If I'd known I'd be tortured like this, I would have walked out of the room the moment he suggested a kiss -and yet, when he did suggest it, I also couldn't stop myself from wondering 'what if.'

What if I kissed Ellie.

What if he was normal.

What if kissing him was right.

I slumped over to my side and kicked my blanket off the bed in annoyance. If my father found out what me and Ellie had done, would he forgive me? Would I even care?

Millions of questions went through my brain, as I watched the sun slowly ascend into the sky, marking it as morning.

Ellie didn't come to bed last night.

I turned to lay on my back. The ceiling lit up as the sun was pouring through the window. I laid in my bed for as long as I could before I couldn't handle it any more.

I went downstairs.

Ellie was nowhere to be seen, which only meant he was in the basement doing God knows what.

Relieved, I did the only thing I know to calm my raging mind. I picked up a paintbrush, I pretended the entire night didn't happen.