My name is Ashley Lynn Huntzinger. I'm sixteen years old and I've learned how to control my urge to self harm.
On September 4, 2014, my father passed away. I did not know how to handle the pain and the loneliness of the loss. I started drinking and smoking with my friends. I thought that it would take some of the pain away but it didn't. It brought more problems. I stopped drinking and smoking and started self harming. It started as one or two cuts then ten, twenty, thirty... until my arm was covered in ugly scars I would soon come to hate. Due to these scars I was bullied for a few years. I started to think I was unwanted and worthless. On the two year anniversary of my dad's passing I remembered something very valuable that my dad told me. He told me that a person's voice could be the thing to save a person. I started writing music and writing down how I was feeling until those scars started to fade. Eventually, the thoughts and the actions stopped. I was doing good until my aunt passed away. I stopped listening to music, I broke my guitar, and I tore my old songs. I lost myself again and started hurting myself, but this time I wasn't sleeping, I barley ate, and I was always running. Running made me feel like I could run away from what I was dealing with.
A few months after my aunts passing I ended up in Horsham Clinic for attempt in suicide. When I finally got out I talked to my friend. She battled self harm and anorexia and had just recently gotten out of Horsham herself. I asked her how I could get help. I decided I wanted to change the way I was living. I wasn't ready to die and I wanted to live a healthy life for my dad. I got therapy for outside of school and started a group therapy in school. It allowed me to share my thoughts and feelings with people who were going through the same situation I was. I didn't feel alone. I started eating again and threw all of my blades out. I eventually started writing again and wrote some songs on my experiences. I helped my friend Emily get help when she came to me for help. I wrote songs for people going through tough situations. To show them that someone cares and understands. I'm six months clean and I'm determined to keep it that way. I hope what I'm doing helps others and let's them know I care. Most of all I'm glad I have been able to get myself the help I needed.
