Used
I used to think you liked me back
Then again that day on the bus when you held my hand so tight you cut off my circulation,
I thought it was a mutual thing
Little did I know she was in the seat behind us and you made sure she was watching
As your hand grazed up and down my thigh
And that little gesture gave me butterflies but it did absolutely nothing for you
Then at the mall when you sat me down on your lap and played with my hair
You told me I was beautiful and even though you knew I would never believe it was true you did
Do you still think I’m beautiful now?
Or was she watching then too
You see the thing is I will never think I’m beautiful and having you lie to my face doesn’t help
The next day when I walked in to school you were at my locker waiting for me
You took my hand and intertwined our fingers and walked me to and from every single one of my classes
Even though half of yours were on the other side of the building
We only have one class together
I used to hate that but now it’s a blessing
That day before school ended you told me you wanted to wrap me up and never let me go
I became tomato red and you told me it was cute
In fact just writing this and thinking about the way you played me makes me blush
I get butterflies and everything
Even after all the shit you put me through
And as fucked up as it sounds I will always care about your opinion
That weekend you went away with your friends
I don’t know if they told you that going out with a depressed freak wasn’t socially acceptable
Or if you realized you liked her better
But on Monday you completely ignored me
Now we don’t even wave at each other when I see you
And I can sit here and pretend I don’t care but I do
I know it’s not my fault but I can’t help but think it is
It’s my fault for being an ugly, socially awkward, loud, obnoxious, depressed freak
I was stupid for believing you thought I was beautiful
How could I ever believe someone who lies like it’s their second language
And yet I still care
I see you walk with her and talk with her
It only happens when I’m around
You look me in the eyes as if you’re enjoying my hurt expressions
You look at me as you smile at her
You watch as my tears almost fall every time
But you’re never there to wipe them
