Vodka Sweats. {Roronoa Zoro x Reader}

It Just Gets Worse.

"I have literally never met this girl before today." Trafalgar Law speaking somewhat calmly despite having an angry redhead shouting in his face, Kid seemingly not buying any of it though.

You've tried to intervene a few times now and inform Kid that Law is telling the truth and that this is your first time meeting him but you've only been completely blanked by the pair of them, they really are like cat and dog.

"Bullshit! She came home this morning smelling like sex, refusing to tell me who the guy was!" By this point you're feeling awfully self-conscious, subtly giving yourself a sniff although you've had a shower since and smell moderately good, it was just an instinctive action. "Then you come creeping up on her at a barbecue, giving her bedroom eyes! I ain't stupid, Trafalgar!"

Oh, but you are...

"Bedroom eyes?" Law echoes showing signs of mild confusion, mixed with slight disdain as if you're not worthy of such looks from him. Well, you can see why Kid hates him so much now, what a rude man.

"Law's eyes always look like that..." Sabo sheepishly informs with a few beads of sweat rolling down his face, the boy sporting a rather nervous expression as he rubs the back of his neck. "Besides, he doesn't seem like the sort to have one-night stands..."

Your gaze subconsciously drifts to Ace, anything to distract you from this conversation--however he's merely smirking at you with eyes that seem to just scream judgement. Beside him sits Luffy, the younger raven staring on in curiosity and slight confusion.

Will somebody please cover the innocent boy's ears!

"Yeah, maybe not." Kid grumbles, a small smirk tugging on his lips as he glares down at Law. Not that the raven seems too bothered by it, he's merely staring back with a cold expression decorating his face. "I doubt Trafalgar could pleasure a woman anyway! Probably struggles to get it up!"

Kid, why must you be so vulgar?

Not that you have much room to talk anyway, not after you had a one-night stand and all that.

"I think the one with the strained sex-life is the guy who has to interfere with his friends lays because he has none of his own. I'm afraid that guy isn't me, Eustass-ya."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean, you freak?!"

Both you and Sabo subconsciously biting on your bottom lips at the intensity of that burn, your gazes averting to Shanks who seems to be loudly greeting someone who had just arrived. 

"Zoro~!! You made it~!"

Shiiiit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Don't look at him!

Your orbs shooting back to Kid, who's much too busy still arguing with Law to notice the newcomer or more importantly, your reaction to him. Thank God. 

"Maybe her lover was Shanks and that's why she's keeping it secret, isn't he your long-lost brother, Eustass-ya? If you're unsure, I can perform a DNA test."

Not sure if he's being genuine or merely mocking right now...

"He's not my--! FUCK YOU!" Mocking, apparently. Kid roaring obscurities as his attention springs back to you, his teeth gritting together and his eyes resembling flames. "[F/N]! DID YOU FUCK SHA--"

"Hell no!" You yell over him so that nobody else hears the rest of Kid's question, you're not prepared to have this guy humiliate you any further. Ace and Sabo both snickering at your expense and Law deciding to take his leave now, waltzing off toward some tall blonde man. "Please just drop this!"

"Oh-no...it wasn't Sanji, was it?" Sabo questions slowly, his face scrunching up at the mere thought. If you remember correctly, Sanji's the blonde guy that tried to hit on you at the bar just before Zoro came and told him to scram. 

"Jeez, you should hope not! Guy has had many women in his time, he probably caught something!" Ace teases once again, this time causing the confused Luffy to tilt his head to the side as he shovels more food into his mouth. 

It's a good thing the barbecue has him so distracted or he'll be asking all sorts of questions himself, such as 'Caught what? A fish?' or something ridiculously naive like that.

"No, I didn't--!"

"WAS IT TEACH?! BOY, IF IT WAS HIM THEN I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE SO EMBARRASSED BY IT!" Ace adds, almost sounding excited about the possibility and causing both Kid and Sabo to grimace. And you to frown, naturally. 

These guys are beginning to become a real pain in your rectum, they act as if sleeping with someone is something that never casually happens, they won't just let it go. Surely, they've had one-night stands themselves before too.

And who the hell is this Teach guy?

"Damn it, [F/n]! Just tell us!" Kid persists with feigned annoyance in his tone, he seems like he's somewhat enjoying this guessing game though. Damn nosy-Norris over here. "Was it Basil Hawkins?!"

Who the heck is that?

"Drake?" Ace questions, earning himself an extremely puzzled expression from you.

"Marco?" Sabo inquires and finally, it's a name that you know. But he's not the guy you had met in the bar, unfortunately. If your fuckbuddy was Marco, at least you'd know how to feel about it, this Zoro guy is all you've thought about today but that may just be because Kid wouldn't stop bringing last night up.

"No, not Mar--!"

"Usopp~? Shishishi~!" Luffy apparently wanting to take part in the game himself, a large and cheesy grin plastered across his boyish face as Ace and Sabo both look at him in slight concern. 

Because you know, God forbid Luffy develops a perverted mind like his brothers. It may be too late for Thatch, Marco, Ace and Sabo...but Luffy still has that tiny shimmer of hope. Let us not destroy it.

"It's none of those people, its completely irrelevant! None of you know him!" Yes, lying works. Your face filling with forced confidence as you weakly inhale some air before letting it flood right out of you again, hopefully that will be the end of this fuckery.

"ZOROOOOOOOOO~! OVER HERE SHISHISHI~!!!"

Or fucking not. Right, well then. 

With forced dignity you straighten yourself up in your seat, a ever so slight nervous twitch in your lip but thankfully, Kid didn't spot it. The redheads attention was caught by Luffy and his yelling although you can feel Ace's onyx eyes currently burning a hole through the side of your face. 

Crap! He's onto me!

Out of impulse you avoid the freckled male's gaze, trying to look up at Zoro instead but your nervous eyes refused to lock on his, instead your spacing out on his chest and the world around you feels somewhat distant. 

Wait, is my soul leaving my body? I feel like my soul is leaving my body!

"Zoro, heeey~! What were you up to last night~?"

NOOOOOO!! ACE, DON'T FUCKING DO IT! PLEASE!!