The One Who Got Away

Chapter 38

Three weeks. For three weeks Dara had been mulling over Jiyong's decision to disappear from her and everyone else's life. For three weeks she had also been keeping an eye out on news about Jiyong and his self-imposed hiatus but surprisingly his being MIA had gone under the media's radar. For three weeks she had also kept her thoughts to herself, choosing not to talk about Jiyong to anyone, not even with Bom. For three weeks she had been trying to come to terms with herself on why oddly enough despite the initial sadness and the hurt of him leaving she had felt relief.

She heaved a sigh as she was finalizing the playlist for her segment later. Jae Suk had already reviewed it earlier and had given her his approval. For the past minutes the cursor had been hovering over the last songs she had included. She was itching to break her silence but she wasn't looking forward to talking about it in detail with anyone yet either. She straightened up and finally decided to save the playlist as it is. The songs would serve as her confession. For now.

As the midnight hour went passed, Dara took a deep breath before saying, "I'm going to take this chance to do some confessing of my own to someone." Dara breathed deeply once more and went on to say, "I hope wherever you are this message reaches you. When we met once again I loved you like I never felt the pain but I was honestly still haunted by our memories. When we got back together I had thought that I was strong when I survived losing you once but I was wrong. I feel fragile next to you. Powerless. I hate you and love you for that."

"When you went away I felt equal parts of despair and relief. I know that loving hurts. You're not the only one who also felt the need to leave. I also did. You may be the one who literally went away but I am also figuratively going away, too."

"Some days I might hate you for leaving but I am thankful that you made the tough choice for both of us. A choice that will make most people hate you but it is a choice that I understand. Because this love has become more of a burden that we can't carry anymore and it's honestly been keeping me down."

"Loving can hurt. Loving you hurts. But what choice do I have? Loving you has been the only thing my heart knows. You told me not to wait for you but I will. In the mean time let's both learn to live and run free. Once you have you come back home because I'll be waiting for you to come and kiss me under the lamppost down the street from here."

"These songs are for you. Wherever you may be. Goodbye for now, Ji. Annyeong." She then clicked on the button and the songs started to play on air.

Little Did You Know by Alex & Sierra

Little do you know
How I'm breaking while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I'm still haunted by the memories
Little do you know
I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece

Little do you know
I need a little more time
Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside
I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind
I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight

Little do you know
I need a little more time
I'll wait, I'll wait
I love you like you've never felt the pain, I'll wait
I promise you don't have to be afraid, I'll wait
The love is here and here to stay so lay your head on me

Little do you know
How I'm breaking while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I'm still haunted by the memories
Little do you know
I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece
Little do you know
I need a little more time

Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside
I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind
I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight

Little do you know
I need a little more time
I'll wait, I'll wait
I love you like you've never felt the pain, I'll wait
I promise you don't have to be afraid, I'll wait
The love is here and here to stay so lay your head on me

Little do you know
I know you're hurting while I'm sound asleep
Little do you know
All my mistakes are slowly drowning me
Little do you know
I'm trying to make it better piece by piece
Little do you know
I'll love you till the sun dies

I'll wait, just wait
I love you like I've never felt the pain, just wait
I love you like I've never been afraid, just wait
Our love is here and here to stay so lay your head on me

I'll wait, I'll wait
I love you like you've never felt the pain, I'll wait
I promise you don't have to be afraid, I'll wait
The love is here and here to stay so lay your head on me
Lay your head on me
So lay your head on me
'Cause little do you know
I love you till the sun dies

Gravity by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love
And not feel your reign

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand
So tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand
So tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down, eh ooh
You're on to me, on to me, and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

Photograph by Ed Sheeran

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time's forever frozen still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home

Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it's the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier,
Remember that with every piece of you
Hm, and it's the only thing we take with us when we die
Hm, we keep this love in this photograph

We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts were never broken
And time's forever frozen still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone

And if you hurt me
That's okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home

You can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me
Well, that's okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go

When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost back on Sixth street
Hearing you whisper through the phone,
"Wait for me to come home."