The One Who Got Away

Chapter 37

She drove aimlessly after Soonho left. Her subconscious brought her to the ocean. She recognized the place. It was not their usual hangout but they had spent one whole night here, sitting side by side each other counting stars, tracing constellations, talking about nothing and everything until dawn started to splash color and light across the sky.

The box sat unopened on her passenger seat. It sat there quietly but ominously intruding on Dara's consciousness. After sitting still for an eternity she finally turned, took the box and placed it on her lap. It didn't weigh much.

She smiled bitterly at the irony... how a box became sort of instrumental in them getting back together and now another box had placed a definite end to their reunion.

She lifted the cover and looked inside. There on a bed of wrapping tissue lay an innocemt looking TamTam and an equally innocent looking envelope. A smile unknowingly lit her face as she saw TamTam. Then it slowly faded.

TamTam brought them together. He witnessed their first memory together now he's witnessing how they once again fell apart. Her finger traced the mismatched eyes and a ghost of a smile once again flitted across her lips but then her eyes strayed towards the crisp white envelope beside TamTam and her face looked grim.

She took the envelope and opened it to find a few sheets of paper. Unlike Jiyong's hasty scrawl on his previous confession, this time this letter was written in Jiyong's clean and crisp handwriting. It showed that he had placed great thought and care unto writing this letter, that this was not purely driven by emotion. Her hands trembled as she took in Jiyong's words.

Dee,

Letting you go the first time would always be one of my worst mistakes but not letting you go this time would also be one of my worst mistakes.

For the longest time I've been brooding over our first breakup. I've always looked back to those days we had together. Those memories have kept me going on during the dark years we had apart.

When I found you again I was so happy I didn't think of how our lives had both changed from when we were first together. I thought at first that nothing could go wrong now that we are together but I was wrong. We were both trying to pick up where we both left off before but let's be honest we're both not the same persons we were before. Our pasts have changed us.

I naively thought that having you back would mean I could get the old me back. But we both know that's not how life works.

Having you in my life again made me realize how I couldn't be the Jiyong I was before. When we got back together I wanted to recreate what we had before but I couldn't because the years have changed me just as the years have changed you.

I envy you, Dee because the past has made you stronger. I see you and I see a strong woman who is capable of withstanding anything that life throws at her. You've been through hell and you singlehandedly got your life back on track, Dee. You did all that without me while I wallowed in self-pity and remorse and just waited for you to come back in to my life and save me.

I just went through all the motions of being G-Dragon and didn't invest in Jiyong. I had revolved Jiyong's whole being on you because I liked the Jiyong that I was when we were first together. I always told myself that if I found you again I won't ever let you go because you would bring back the old me. I unknowingly hinged the whole of my happiness on you.

I have seen your strength and I have felt it especially during Hyung's incident. Your love and strength pulled me through those days and I crave it. You gave me the strength that I needed when I hit rock bottom. Your love and strength is so addictive, Dee. I would love to hold on to you and never let you go. With my current state I'm going to cling to you and bleed you dry.

I'm always in a dark place and I have made you my light. If I pull you in with me your light will ultimately die. I'm leaving to find a way out of this darkness so that I can come out in the light again someday and be the man...the Jiyong who can stand beside you and be able to proudly say that I can also be your strength just as you are mine.

While I'm gone I want you to live your life, Dee, and don't look back. You will always be my one true love but don't wait for me. If you find happiness with someone else don't hesitate on my behalf. As much as I would want to be your man I would always want you to be happy even if it means not being with me.

I will always love you, Sandara Park.

Annyeong.

권지용

P.S. I'm giving you back TamTam. He's been with me all these time. He's a great listener and knows how to keep secrets well. You both take care of each other. I will see you both when I see you...hopefully sooner than later but don't hold your breath.

(Do you guys still hate Jiyong?)