Straight and Narrow

23. Danny

I shouldn't have said what I did to Alaska, she had every right to react the way that she did. I remember the sinking feeling in my stomach when I looked at her face after I yelled at her, I remember the hurt in her eyes, the pain on her face, the way she bit her lip to stop the tears and how it didn't help as the tears flooded down her face.

That was a week ago, I haven't seen her since she walked away from me. I want to see her but I'm scared she'll push me away, scared she'll have made a decision on the child. I miss her, Jesus I miss her so much. 

I haven't told anyone at home, I don't want them to know but I know they should be told. After all it's their grandchild. But again I'm scared, scared they'll hate me for being careless and stupid.

I grasp my phone with shaking hands and dial the home phone. My mum answers.

"Hello?"

"Hi mum."

"Daniel!" She cries excitedly, "oh baby I miss you."

"I miss you too mum..." I trail off, I've got nothing else to say apart from what I'm ringing to talk to her about. I wish I had stuff to tell her about the producing I've been doing, or the songs I've been writing, or our jamming sessions with Glen; she knows all of that stuff.

"So what have you been up to in the past few weeks then?"

I take a deep breath. I don't want to disappoint my mum.

"Nothing much, only..." I trail off and gulp,"I've... There's... Oh shit..."

"Daniel what's wrong!"

I'm surprised she hasn't snapped at me about my language, I guess she's just too relieved to hear from me.

"I know you're going to hate me and I'm sorry but..."

"I'm never going to hate you, just tell me what's bothering you darling."

"I got a girl pregnant." I blurt out.

There's a dead silence on the end of the phone.

"Mum. I'm sorry." I run my hands through my hair in desperation, I need her to talk to me, I need to know that she still has my back.

"Daniel, don't worry sweetheart, I know it isn't ideal for you but... well accidents happen don't they?"

And at that moment I feel like the luckiest person on the planet to be her son. I know she isn't happy, of course she isn't, I can hear it in her voice but she's trying to reassure me and put me at ease. Only it makes missing her even worse because all I want to do is give her a hug. Knowing my mum still supports me makes the whole thing a little easier but that doesn't mean if I could go back and undo what happened I wouldn't.

I say bye to my mum and sit down at the keyboard in the corner of my room and I begin to play some chords. Then some lyrics come to me, I grab my notebook and jot them down.

It's been a while since the two of us talked  anout a week since the day that you walked
The only chance we have of moving on is trying to take it back before it all went wrong.
Before the Worst

As I stare at my handwriting I realise that although I've written words that relate to how I feel about the pregnancy from someone else's point of view it could be about a relationship. It sums up how I feel about mine and Alannah's relationship and how I used to wish I could back and make it all better.

I've just finished writing the song, or a loose draft of a song when there's a knock at my bedroom door. I call out for them to come in. The door opens and reveals Alaska.

I stand up to greet her and realise she has tears in her eyes, she looks tired as well and as if she hasn't washed her hair in a while, it's tied up in a knot on top of her head. I open my arms and beckon her to step forward.

She tumbles into them before breaking down and sobbing into my shoulder. I hold her close to me and cradle her head against my chest. It hurts to see her like this.

"Alaska I'm sorry."

"Danny I've missed you," she pulls away and wipes her face roughly with the back of her hand, "I've made my decision and all I can say is that I'm sorry but there's no way I'm getting rid of it."

"That's ok babe, it's your choice."

In a way I'm relieved she didn't listen to me. Im not saying I want the baby because I don't but I don't want Alaska to do something she doesn't want to do. I'm anxious that a baby will put a strain on our relationship, but then I'm pretty sure I did more damage in five minutes than a baby could do in it's whole life.

She hugs me again closing her eyes as she rests her head on my shoulder. It feels good to have her arms wrapped round me once more. At that moment I know that no matter whether I want the baby or not I'll be there for it because they're my child and as I gaze down at Alaska who's almost asleep on me I realise how much I love her. I'll be there for her aswell, I'll support her through it all... or at least I'll try.

"Are you tired love?"

She mumbles, half asleep.

I pull the duvet back and gently set her down on my bed, she opens her eyes lazily before closing them again. Then I pull the duvet back over her body and quickly her breathing slows down and grows heavier. It makes me wonder when she last slept properly, I feel the guilt gnawing at my stomach. For the second time today I feel like I've fucked up with her. The thought has been with me all week but seeing her today and seeing how stressed she is makes it worse.

I climb on top of the bed behind her and pull her body close to mine, keeping her wrapped in the duvet. Burying my face into her hair I breathe in her scent. Man I've missed this woman. I'm not going to let anything hurt her again, nothing, I'll protect her if my life depends on it because she's too precious for this world. I just hope I can keep that promise myself...

A/N
Alaska is back and the song Before the Worst is bornnnn!!!! What do you think the future holds for Danny and Alaska????
Love M x