if we go down (then we go down together)

Final

FINAL
We were built to last,
We were built like that

Halos 1 week akong umabsent sa school. Okay lang naman sa parents ko. Mukhang nagiging mabait na nga sila sa akin. I cried almost every night. I still love him and I don't think na mawawala pa itong nararamdaman ko.

Pero as I have promised him and myself, I need to move on, kahit sobrang hirap, kahit hindi ko yata kaya. Naaawa na rin kasi ako sa sarili ko. Repeatedly forcing myself to someone after getting dumped and rejected over and over again is plain stupidity.

I need to show them na dapat hindi ako ang naghahabol. Kailangan ako ang hinahabol. It’s time to be Vanessa Quaine Payne.

I was lying on my bed, staring at nothing nang mapansin ko ang camera sa dresser ko. Kinuha ko iyon and turned it on. I went to its gallery para tingnan ang mga pictures na kinuha ni Jim.

Una kong nakita ang picture ni Jim na kinuha ko. It’s his back against the view of the city sa rooftop. Napangiti ako ng kaunti, remembering that night.

I proceeded to see the other photos. Most of them are scenic at ang ganda ng pagkakakuha. Jim is really skilled with the camera.

I browsed through it. I paused when I saw a picture of me. The bags under my eyes were tender and my nose was pinkish—halatang galing akong umiyak—but I was smiling.

This was the picture Jim took of me at the fountain. My thumb hovered over the delete option.

I decided to just let it be and turned the camera off.

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Nandito kami ngayon sa church. It's Sunday and sabay kaming nagsimba nina mom at dad.

I prayed na sana malagpasan ko ito, sana maging okay na ang lahat. I hope the pain he has caused me would end.

I hope he can be happy too.

After going to mass, we ate outside as a family. We had an enjoyable meal. I’m happy that my relationship with my parents is getting better. Baka napansin nila ang pagkawala ng sigla ko lately. Family really is the best.

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It’s my first day in school since the confrontation. Hinatid ako ni daddy papuntang school today, kaya I’m already in a good mood kakasimula pa lang ng araw.

Of course, nag-ayos ako ngayon. We all know na halos maubos na ang kaluluwa ko sa pag-iyak but the whole school doesn’t have to know that.

Pagkababa ko, nagtinginan ang lahat sa akin. The news have probably spread to the whole school while I was gone.

I walked along the hallways, the crowd as usual, parting for me. May iba nga na nagugulat kapag nakita ako.

I saw Crystal and Spice sa lockers nila kaya nilapitan ko kaagad. Crystal squealed when she saw me. The both of them were pleasantly surprised. They hugged me while telling me about various stuff that happened in the last few days. I haven’t used my phone pa kasi since I shut it down.

Nakita ko si Shawn pagpasok ko sa classroom. He was talking to some of the boys. He looked at me nang mapansin ako but I avoided him. Nakakapanibago nga. Dati ako pa ang naghahanap sa kanya.

I decided to avoid and stay away from him as much as possible. Losing him really took a toll in my life. He wasn’t just someone I’m in love with, he was also my longest friend, my constant. But now, I guess I’ll have to get used to him not being in my future.