Let's Go Back In Time--an Adam Conover Fanfiction

Actually

Shaking off that weird moment, I unlocked my car and got in. Time for that doctor's appointment! Although the healthcare systems rips off millions of Americans, including myself, everyday with inflated prices and sneaky business practices, it's nice to know I'm healthy. I can't wait to tell my doctor the plot of my next episode where I reveal the truth about the American Healthcare System.

I pull up to the building that holds my doctor's office. It's big and businessy, like The Office-US version. What kind of American would I be if I watched the British version? I pull open the doors and go to the suite where my doctor, Dr. ImNotTellingYouMyNameAdam, works. He's so funny, always saying things like "Stop telling me I'm a fraud!" or "I EARNED my degree". What a guy!

Speaking of guy, Fuy. That Fuy Gieri was one weird dude. And what about that whole "You'll regret saying no to me" thing? That was strange!

Whatever--it's time for my checkup.
"Hi Sandra. It's me! Adam Conover! I'm here for my checkup!"
Sandra rolled her eyes and types something into her computer as she replied, "Yes, I know who you are, Adam. You can go in now."
"Bye!" I said as I walked down the hallway towards the open door that I always get sent to. I peek my head in but no one is in the room. That's strange.
"Dr. ImNotTellingYouMyNameAdam? Are you here?" No reply.
I decide to enter the room to investigate; I want to see if I can crush this misunderstanding with my knowledge!
"Looking for the doctor?"
I jump up into the air! After letting out a pitchy scream, I turn to find the source of the voice. Standing in the doorway of the room is a tall, dark haired man wearing a lab coat. I have never seen him here before.
"You really startled me!"
"Oh," he said with a playful tone, "sorry about that. But are you looking for the doctor? He's out today. I'm filling in for him. Hi, I'm Dr. Meyers." He extends his hand out for me to shake.
"Hi, I'm Adam Conover and I have a tv show, Adam Ruins Everything!"
"Ooo, that's very interesting!"
"Yeah, it is! What's also interesting is that you're the first doctor I've ever had that told me their name!"
Dr. Meyers lead me into the consultation room across the hall and closes the door.
"I'm all healthy doc, just updating my physical and all."
"That's great, Adam. Too bad you can't do that today."
"What do you mean?"
Dr. Meyers puts on a mischievous grin and then a cloud of smoke comes up from the ground. He disappears for a second but then reappears--he's now the guy from the parking lot!
"Guy Fieri!!!"
He looks disappointed in me.
"No! I'm Fuy Gieri! From WEED!"
"That's your name? It's kinda stupid. If I was you, I would legally change it."
"Just shut up Adam!" He lets out a sigh to compose himself and then returns to his evil aura. "I told you that you would regret turning down WEED!"
I'm confused now, "Why? All you did was preform a cheap magic trick."
"THAT WASN'T CHEAP, ADAM! IT TOOK ME WEEKS TO DO THAT!!!"
He threw off his gloves and closed the door, locking it. Like that could scare me! I have the power of ~TV MAGIC~!!!!!!!!!!

"I told you to help WEED, but your selfishness prevailed. Now, it is I who will do the teaching." He told me, rubbing his hands together like an old-timey villian.

"Ha ha, like you could teach me something."

"Oh Mr. Conover, you'd be surprised. BEHOLD!" He ripped the paper off of the doctor's bench to reveal and industrial machine. Who knew, I was sitting right on it the whole time. 

"I bet you've never seen anything like THIS before?" He asked with an evil excitement. 

"Garbage? Yeah, I see it all the time."

He ripped up the paper and threw it to the ground. "NO! You dense fool!" 

I'm no fool.

"This is a machine I've designed! It will take us back to the moment when your life changed. When you decided that knowledge was best used for the benefit of one! When you were at your lowest, so you decided to look onto the wrong path!"

"My lowest point?" I scoffed, "Well, we'll be making a lot of stops, buddy."

"You might want to put your pants back on, because here we go!"

"Wait, my pants?"

"Yes, I accidentally ripped them off when I was taking off the paper. Sorry! Uwu"

It was too late--a bright light glowed from the machine and before I knew it, we weren't in the office anymore.