Second Chance at Love

XIV: Night of Fun?

Friday August 28, 2012
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-

It's been exactly one month since I had my miscarriage. I've been getting through it but I do have my days where I get sad about it. I haven't made any music but I decided I was going to go into my studio and start writing. I had my producer send over a couple beats and I was going to look at them.

After checking on Blue, I went to my basement studio. I grabbed a notebook and pencil then turned on my computer. Going to my emails I saved the beats to my computer and played them. The first one was a very slow kind of upbeat tempo but the next one was the type of beat I could pour my heart out to since it has the slow piano melody.

I listened to the beat over five times and finally came up with the right lyrics. I wrote them down and then listened to the beat over and scratched some things out to make it flow better. Looking at my notepad I had lyrics with a bunch of scratches but I knew what to sing and what not.

I started the beat over then went into the booth and put the headphones on. Placing my notepad on the music stand I waited for the spot I was supposed to come in at.

I fought for you
The hardest, it made me the strongest
So tell me your secrets
I just can't stand to see you leaving

But heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you
Heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you
So go on, go home

I couldn't even finish because I broke down into tears. I just want to know why god chose my child to take away. But I had to think that now my child was in a better place and not part of a broken family.

Getting myself together I wiped my tears and finished singing my lyrics. Walking back to the computer I sat in my chair and chopped and screwed the song. Finishing up I listened to it all the way through and couldn't help that my eyes got a little watery.

I sent it to CJ so he could revise it some more then send it to the label. Shutting every thing down I went up to my room and laid in my bed.

It was only 10:30 and I was beyond bored. Finally realizing I didn't want to sulk in my boredom I texted Kelly and Michelle to see if they wanted to go out. By the time I got out the shower Kelly and Michelle was in my bed room.

"Damn hoe you take long ass showers." Michelle said.

"Yeah we been waiting on you for an hour now."

"How'd did you guys get in here?"

"Did you forget mama Tina gave us both a key."

"Oh yeah but since y'all here help me find something to wear."

Michelle went into my closet and brought out three dresses. I tried the first one on and we didn't like it at all but the second one looked mighty fine.

"Kellz, does this look good? Or should I change to something else?"

I check myself out in the mirror and she comes up behind me.

"This looks sexy, but I say we go for more."

I've been missing my bestie's. The so many things I have to tell them about Nicki!