My random book of Randomness

If I were in a...

so...

I was pondering yesterday what it would be like if I were in a creepypasta situation.

For example...

If Jeff the killer was in my room...
I would b**** slap him and probably kick him in the balls... then take his knife and stuff it down his throat... and then I run for my life.
"Now, YOU go to sleep!"

If I met Slenderman in a dark forest...
I would go up to him and kick him in the shins and put him in a headlock... I know he doesn't have a face, but I would spit on his face.
"Take that twenty bucks, a**hole!"

If I saw laughing Jack down the street running towards me...
I would let him come to me and punch his cone nose into his face. I would hold him down on the ground and spit on his head.
"Go back to the circus, d***!"

If I saw Jane the killer under a lamp post...
I would go up to her and b**** slap her. Then I would poke her eyes and knee kick her in the ribs... then I would spit on her face.
"No one wants to see a hooker under the lamp post!"

If I met Masky in an abandoned park...
I would pull off his mask and spit on his face and kick him in the balls multiple times. And once he kneels on his knees, I would kick his face and run for my life.
"Now I know why you wear a mask!"

If I met Hoodie in my backyard...
I would grab my hose and spray him on full blast and until he starts coughing then I go up to him and hit his kneecaps with a wrench and jam it into his chest... then I would spit on him and run for my life.
"You shouldn't scare me like that or else you get hit in the kneecaps with a wrench... specifically this wrench!"

If I saw Homicide Liu in the streets...
I would run up to him and punch him in the stomach... then I would kick his a** and also put him in a headlock... then I would spit on his face and run.
"Only I can do homicidal things!"

If I saw Sally Williams in my house when I'm home alone...
I would run into the kitchen and grab the kitchen knife and jam it down her head. Since she's sorta like a little kid, I could beat the crap out of her until she can't move anymore.
"No more games for you, b****!"

If I find Lost Silver in my living room...
Since he has no arms and legs, I could just grab his body and throw him into my neighbor's backyard where they have a german shepherd and a golden retriever.
"Don't miss with me, bean bag!"

If I saw Eyeless Jack in the bathroom...
I would kick him and stuff his head into the toilet and slam the toilet seat down on his head multiple times and spit on his lifeless body.
"Only I can look good in blue!"

If I find Ticci Toby looking through my fridge...
I would kick him into the fridge and slam the fridge door to his head until he's unconscious. Then I grab his glasses and wear them as I spit on his body.
"You can't see squat with these glasses!"

If I encountered BEN drowned while playing Majora's mask...
1. I would just turn off the TV and spit on the screen
or...
2. If he comes out of the TV I would scream with joy and probably ask him for an autograph... then I would kick him in the balls and spit on his body.
"You shouldn't have done that, b****!"

So...
If you guys want me to do another If I were in a... chapter, please leave me a comment and I'll be sure to do it.

This blookster is out!