Time For A Story

Chapter 2: Finding myself beneath the waves.

We left the pool after a couple of hours since a lot of people started to show up. We got home and I went to my room immediately, Chloe had called dibs on taking a shower first. I laid on my floor so I wouldn't get the chlorine filled water on my bed and turned the TV on. I started to watch cartoons because I knew I was going to get up in a few minutes anyways.

I grew tired of the TV and the annoying shows that were on at the moment. Teen Titans Go kept playing on the channel over and over and it was highly annoying. The original series Teen Titans, was a lot better than this crap. I didn't mind it though, when they didn't have the same episodes playing over and over.

I picked my phone up from on the ground in front of me and turned it on then pressed my thumb against the home button lightly. I smiled as the screen unlocked and all my apps and groups of apps came into view. I decided to watch Netflix on my phone. I could've watched it on my TV but I didn't want to, I didn't much care for it. Highly thankful my Dad made a lot of money and could buy all this stuff, yes, but like my care for other things it had simply gone away.

Scrolling through the different movies and series I came across one that had caught my eye. The OA. It seemed interesting enough. My finger pressed play on it before I new I was even starting to watch it. I payed close attention as the girl ran across the bridge then jumped off into the ocean. Like me, I'd like to be taken by the waves. To be drug under and have the air ripped from your lungs as you scratch liquid but you still hope it will help. Then it just holds you under and forces your mouth open to take a breath.

This is the part I find interesting and slightly calming. Your lungs start to fill with water and sting with a fire like you have never felt before then it's just... peaceful. You can't feel anything, in a weird way you know you are safe.

I brought myself down from the stars and up out of the ocean and started to pay attention to the show again. After finishing the first episode, Chloe finally got out of the shower and I got in. It had taken her an hour. I thought about the show as I ran my fingers through my hair. The strands parting as my fingers slip through them and wrap around my fingers begging them to stay there because the feeling of them against my scalp was.. calming. I spent an hour in the shower. I brought my hands down from my head and finished washing the rest of my body. Then, I got out and dried off, getting dressed in dark blue baggy sweats and a gray shirt I cut the sleeves off of.

I laid on my bed. My stomach pressing into my mattress and my back bending slightly from the dip in the bed. My fingers immediately picked my phone up and turned The OA back on and my eyes watched it, almost against the will of my brain that was telling me to get up and go outside. That night I stayed up watching the entire season that was on Netflix. The very end forcing my body to allow a few tears to escape my eyes from behind my eyelids that brought darkness over my sight. I had a few questions, yes, but doesn't every person after watching a show so... intriguing?

Then my fingers brought me to the browser as I looked up the first question.

"What does Transgender mean?"

The definition popped up and my eyes read it carefully as I unknowingly took every word to heart then locked them in there.

"Denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex."

Alright then. I proceeded to look up YouTube videos about this word and watch them over and over until my brain was filled with all these thoughts and ideas that started out rain drops and slowly became puddles then into a flood of ideas and thoughts.

"Maybe I'm like this?"

I thought to myself and shook my head slightly as I looked at the time, 5:00 AM. I plugged my phone in and buried my head into my blue pillow and let go of everything inside my brain. Slowly falling into a state of sleep in which I knew I would not be able to stay in for long.
----(Dream)----
My hand was wrapped tightly around a rope in which I could not see the beginning of but I was definitely at the end. My eyes traveled down into an abyss of darkness of which I was afraid to fall into. Hm, fear. Something I don't feel often.

I tried to bring my other hand up to grab the rope so I could pull myself up but I couldn't. It was like my limbs were now controlled by another persons mind as my fingers started to let go of the rope. One by one, teasing me as I watched them and begged them silently not to let go. My eyes pleading with them as my body was in a war as to if it should listen to me or go it's own way.

My hand finally let go as I fell. My eyes staring at the rope as it disappeared with distance and my body leveled out. I twisted my body in the air, the piercing winds hitting my face and wrapping around my body, hugging me, telling me I was safe.

"Just like water."

I thought to myself as I fell faster and faster. Nothing coming into view but things leaving my eyesight and disappearing in the distance. My body still falling through darkness and finally I fell from a cloud. The front of my body now facing the sky as I watched the white cloud get farther and farther away from me and disappear into the blue sky.

My body hit the water and time slowed. I could feel my bones jump forward in my body against my skin and my lungs open up without my permission taking in unwanted substances and thoughts. My head and lungs filling with water then... nothing. The eyes that I once saw through stared blankly at the sun rays that broke through the surface of the water. I was slowly floating to the bottom of the ocean. The darkness I had just escaped swallowing me again as my once live body rested against the floor of the ocean. A few bubbles still leaving my mouth and nose. It was very...

Calming.