Immortal Light: Wide Awake

Chapter 11

The sun felt warm as it came up and landed on the planter box where the oak tree was. The air, however, felt cold. Summer was over and fall was definitely making its entrance. Lucy sat, staring blankly into space. She saw Kat walk up, but she didn't acknowledge her arrival in any way.

"What's the matter with you, Luce?" Kat threw her bag onto the cement planter box.

"What do you mean?" Lucy said as she blinked back to reality.

"You really weren't yourself yesterday and you look even worse now."

"How do I look worse? What does that even mean?"

"You look really preoccupied or bummed out or something. I mean you hardly said a word to me yesterday at lunch."

"I don't know," Lucy said. "I guess it's ... I don't know what it is," she lied.

"Is it the wreck?"

"I guess; I don't know." Lucy said apathetically.

"C'mon, Luce, what's going on; is it Mark?"

"No."

"Is it your parents?"

"No."

"Is it school?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

Lucy knew exactly what was wrong, but it wasn't a dilemma she could even begin to figure out with Kat, since she had no idea what to do about it herself.

"I don't know, Kat, can we just not talk about what's wrong with me?"

"Is it Benjamin?" Kat asked cautiously.

Lucy turned her head sharply. "What's that supposed to mean?" She responded curtly.

"It doesn't mean anything, unless it means something to you."

"Are we done? I need to go to class." Lucy picked up her backpack and headed for English.

From the moment she was in the door of the classroom, she could sense Benjamin's presence. She had no idea why she was so aware of him, but sitting in what felt like his aura for nearly an hour was torture. Samantha's red locks bounced up and down and Lucy hated her. It wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't so afraid of the truth.

The bell rang and she ran into the hall and down the stairs as fast as she could. She had to get away from him. Whatever it was that made her so attuned to his presence was significantly less the farther she got from him.

As she ran out of the building, she headed for the cemetery. It was the only place without people. As she walked she could feel her chest tightening, and the convulsions of crying began before she could even hide herself in the tree.

Without any restraint, Lucy let the tears roll down her face and she heaved hyperventilating gasps into the air. She dropped to the base of the tree and clenched her fists, wringing them together as she fought to find an answer to her problem. After a few moments, she forced herself to breathe. She closed her eyes and focused on the blackness.

Just breathe, Lucy. Just breathe.

She wasn't going to tell herself that it was all okay, because the truth in her mind was that she was going insane.

Just relax, breathe. Calm down, just calm down.

Lucy reached into her bag and pulled out her P.E. t-shirt and wiped her eyes with it. As she felt her breathing return to normal, something else began to slowly envelope her and it wasn't an unpleasant feeling—it never had been, not all the times she had felt it. She liked it, but she hated it, because she knew she couldn't have it.