All The Things I Don't Do

ME, MY EVAN❤️, & ARIYANA WEST

Listen to Bitch, Please! by Jessi Smiles

Bzzz, Bzzz, Bzzz, Bz-
I rolled over in my bed, waking up more and reaching over to my night stand to get my phone.
I had a text. Maybe it was Greyson??
But when I looked at the screen, I felt my chest constrict and I drew in a breath.

-now...  
MY EVAN❤️:

I cringed at the contact name. Why the hell I hadn't I changed it yet? I'd changed "ARI MY BFF!" to just "ARIYANA WEST."

-8 hours ago...
MY EVAN❤️:
Cathryn talk to me. U need to understand me. It's not my fault. The heart does what it does.

-now...
MY EVAN❤️:
I just got back from my Florida vacation. If u want 2 go out and talk about it then we can. I wanna be back together. I miss u baby.

I sighed in disbelief. The guy had just gotten back from a month long trip to Florida. One I'd been told was just a family vacation. One that Evan had brought my best- ex-best friend along on.

So sure. Now he wanted to be back together.

They'd left the last week of June. And so a week later, inviting my bestie Ari over for Fourth of July fireworks, I'd found out that, hey, she was too busy. Sorry.

Hmm. Too busy? Yes. Too busy, I could tell from the background of the selfie she'd sent me. A beach. Corner of a palm tree, and.... was the blond guy turned away, with the scar on the back of his shoulder my first ever boyfriend? My boyfriend of 11 months? Why yes. It was. 

Ari was in Florida with my boyfriend. It was confirmed when I called her confused and upset and quickly-becoming-pissed. She tried to persuade me she was at a beach a couple towns away, but Evan's voice calling, "Ariyana, baby, come here will ya?" Gave me all the proof I needed.

Baby. Now you're calling her by my apparently not so exclusive nickname. Baby, I miss you baby. You miss using me maybe.

I'd been cheated on. In the worst way possible. I'd believed in the relationship, put so much hope and trust into this one time. But what was it worth. My still new-feeling, sweet boyfriend. My best friend. I was kicked out of the picture by the two people I had cared about the most.

-now...
ME:
Month long vacation with my now ex-best friend? And we've already concluded u cheated on me. You freakin played me. All u evr wnted was her, rght? We're done. I told u alrdy. U hurt me bad, I'm not wllng to put myslf back in whn Ik wht will happen.

~~~~
The fact that it took Evan hours- sometimes days even- to respond to my texts, was further proof I was just a toy to him. Something to pick up and play with when bored, but to forget and leave in a corner when occupied.  I should have noticed that when we were together, but I hadn't. I'd been so immersed in the concept of happy, new, perfect love, that I hadn't been willing to look deeper.

-now...
MY EVAN❤️:
Baby, Cathryn, I told u. Ariyana always wntd me, u know that now. Wsnt my fault.

If it's not your fault, then why the hell haven't you ever apologized?? It's been a month for crying out loud. And that would be a lie to say it's not your fault. I've been lying to myself just trying to believe that it wasn't your fault.

-now...
ME:
It takes two to cheat, Evan Roscall.

Finally, letting out a breath, I held my finger over Evan's name in my contacts. I could let go now. Right? I'd realized that it was Evan. And Ariyana. It wasn't me. It wasn't my fault.

I started to press delete when the keyboard popped up on my screen. But when I had deleted the heart and MY EVAN remained, tears started flowing down my cheeks and I stopped.

It wasn't me. It isn't me. I'm fine, I'm perfect, it's not my fault.

My finger hovered over delete. But I hesitated yet again.

I wasn't enough.  Why wasn't I enough for him?

Tears still streaming, I clicked CANCEL, and MY EVAN❤️ returned to its place.

-now...
ME:
Why? Just why Evan? I want to fix this. Fix us. But I don't know what went wrong.

Closing my eyes, I debated, then clicked on ARIYANA WEST.

-now...
ME:
Ari, please tell me why. We were so close. You know how much I depended and put my trust into a relationship. Just why?? I need to know, please Ari.

Whether it was just a crazy impulse or something else, I sent the text to her. We'd talked some after the incident. Me texting the two of them. But after a month.... Now I wasn't angry and demanding to know what happened. Now I just wanted answers. After all this time, now I needed answers. I wanted to know exactly what went wrong.

Tired and put out, I laid my head to the side of my pillow and drifted to sleep.

~~~~

A couple hours later, I woke up to something hard against my cheek. I tugged my phone out and it lit up. Groggily, squinting at the artificial light in the darkness, I opened up my texts. Two from ARIYANA WEST and one from MY EVAN❤️.

-2hrs ago(9:15)...
ARIYANA WEST:
Cathryn. It's Ariyana now. No one calls me Ari anymore. It's an old stupid nickname. And why? U wanna know Cathryn? U aren't enough. Ever. U might get guys with ur half decent looks, but u suck at giving them what they wnt. Ur boring. U don't party, u don't let loose, u don't take chances. I do Cathryn. And I'm gorgeous. I'm exactly what Evan wants and needs. We both know it.

If I'd been crying earlier, I was now sobbing. Ari- Ariyana- was always right. She was practically my advice queen. She knew guys. I just couldn't figure out guy language, ever. So was she right now? In a month my Ari had changed completely.

I opened up her second text.

-2hrs ago(9:20)...
ARIYANA WEST:
Oh, and Cathryn? Don't ever talk to me or Evan again. Ever. And like, how bout u DON'T text me again either.

-1hr ago(10:22)...
MY EVAN❤️:
Baby, meet me for ice cream tomorrow and we'll make up. We can just forget bout it all, k? It'll all be like it was before.

Tempting. For everything to be back to how it was. But I couldn't just forgive Evan like that. Not after betrayal like that. Even with my inability to hold a strong grudge, I wouldn't just jump back in. They'd hurt me so much more than they realized. My emotions were currently a jumbled mess of confusion. How was I going to ever completely let go and move forward?