Mismatched

04

      GOT7's dorm. Jackson is back home and he feels lightheaded, confused and lost. The tests showed the plant—er, tumour— is locate in his left lung, quite big with proper thorns buried in the walls of the organ, threading to break through it. Based on the petals he throws up, the flower inside must be a rose.

The doctor had asked Jackson when he wanted the surgery, but instead of an approximate date, the young boy only asked for some time to think about it. It's too hard for Jackson to actually accept he's sick for loving Mark, that he developed a tumour that is becoming a proper plant inside and he's coughing blood and petals... just because Mark doesn't love him back.

Jackson read online his illness would be cured if he was loved back, but his mind can't wrap around that option.

Mark... ah, Mark. Jackson's loved him probably since the beginning. The first time he saw Mark Jackson was gone, and he has no way to explain what happened to him. Perhaps, it was Mark's smile, all sharp teeth and honest glee, maybe it was the chiming sound of his laughter, contagious and sweet. Maybe it was the fierce need to protect the skinny and fragile boy in front of him that overwhelmed him, even if soon he learned Mark needn't protection at all. Regardless the reason, Jackson was infatuated since they first met and his feelings only grew deeper and stronger as they spent more and more time together, being roommates and best friends.

It's been so many years already, so long loving Mark on his own that Jackson cannot phantom the idea of not loving Mark, not having all these feelings inside. Jackson won't feel dizzy with overwhelming longing when Mark calls him after he's been away for too long. He won't feel whole when he comes back and sees Mark smiling in greeting again. He won't feel the lingering of Mark's tough on his skin as something special anymore. He won't worship every moment they spend together. He won't feel anything for Mark, again. He won't even consider Mark a friend anymore! And that thought alone terrifies him more than the thorns in his lungs.

Jacksons knows, he knows it's hopeless. Mark will never love him back and if he doesn't get the tumour removed, then he'll die. There's no way a love is worth a person's life, all movies and plays about that can suck it. Yet... yet Jackson is so reluctant to give up his feelings for Mark.

What is he? Stupid hormonal Juliet, killing herself for her lover? Hell no, Jackson isn't a thirteen-year-old whiny girl deceived into believing her infatuation was actual love to die for. No, Jackson is a grownup who has known Mark for years to know for certain he loves him.

Yeah, Jackson knows he needs to get the surgery, too. Just... Just fuck.