The Girl With the Broken Smile

The Young, The Beautiful, and The Insane

I hated Group.
I didn't see the point in siting in a big circle and just talking about your nightmares or your cravings.
Shelley ran Group most of the time. She was a heavy stoner. All about the good life, until her aunt sent her here.

"Welcome back everyone! Today we're going to be discussing the reason we are here and how we are planning to over come it." Some people sighed, others, the crackheads, were clapping with excitement.
I sat down in a chair next to a boy who was clutching a beaded necklace with a cross and chanting something I couldn't understand. To the left there was a girl who kept checking me out. She winked and bit her lip. I knew that look, it was all too familiar to me.
•••
When I was 14 my uncle left to join the military. This made me more than happy to know that I wouldn't be pinned down again. I thought it was over.
My mom began dating a guy named Joseph. He seemed nice the first few months. Always seemed like he had cash on him.
We soon found out that he was a drug dealer. He used our kitchen, he abused my mom. One night after an argument between them. My mom had left, not just him but me as well.
He had been trying his new batch of meth.
I thought it was over...
He had choked me.
Beat me.
Raped me.
He also drugged me, he'd slip something into my water or whatever I was eating. Then he'd do it again.
She walked in one day. I was crying.
"Mom.... Help me."
She walked away.
•••
"So Jaime, what's your story?" Shelley asked.
"I attempted suicide, and I cut."
"Wow, I'm so sorry. But we're all here to help each other out. Tell us, have you been thinking about suicide still?"
"Everyday."
She nodded her head, pretending to be interested. "Well I've heard that therapy and yoga helps to calm the tense and agitated mind. You should try them. Fern, didn't you try those two when you were experiencing this?"
Every one looked towards the right. There sat a brunette woman, dark green eyes and scarred.

Her arms were scarred, even parts of her neck looked as if she had tried to kill herself but failed, just as I did.
Her face had glitched into mine. Bloody.
Dead.
"Yeah but it never worked, you know this. We could've been happy a long time ago if you weren't so fucking stupid!"
Then my reflection took the razor from the sink and slowly began to slit my throat. I could feel it.
I was smiling.
The blood started to slowly pour out of my throat, then it was like a Bloody Mary version of Niagara Falls.
When I looked down the bathroom started to fill up with almost black blood.
I began to drown.

"So Jaime, you should try it."
I slowly looked up to find that everyone was looking at me.
"Why not?"
Shelley smiled and continued to talk to various people in the group.

I looked towards the clock, 3:46. It was almost time to go to my room.
When my eyes drifted to the exit. She was there.
Daisy.
She was watching me.
I liked it.
She was playing with something in her pocket as she was looking at me. Her bright blue eye shown through her dark hood.
I caught a glimpse of her hand move, it was a pack of cigarettes.
She put it back in her pocket and walked away.

"Group is dismissed for the day, good work you guys. Terry try to relax before you sleep, read a calming book."
I got up from my seat rather quickly.
I wanted to see her.
I hurried through the door, I didn't know where she went.
Before I got too disappointed she appeared behind the corner of the wall. Then she walked away.
I continued to follow her into her room.
"Close the door."
A grungy, low, yet somehow sexy voice called out as I entered the room.
I did as I was told.
She sat in her bed and pulled out the pack of cigarettes, there were three left. She pulled out one and held out another to me. I grabbed it.
She then went to the side of her bed and gently pulled out the molding. She put the cigarettes inside and pulled out a silver lighter. She lit hers and lit mine. Then she put the lighter back and sealed the molding.

I blew a few puffs, it felt good. We were silent for a while, just blowing puffs.
"So, attempted suicide huh?"
I looked at her, her face still covered and her good still up. I wondered if that was her way of blocking out everyone. It was genius. 
"Yeah."
"Tell me something." She said as she blew another puff. "What petty reason made you want to do that? Abuse, daddy issues, bullying?"
"I was raped, many times as a kid. my mom ignored me, I was alone. I didn't see a reason to be alive."
She laughed.
"Something similar happened to me and yeah I thought about suicide." She paused to smoke. "Instead I got revenge."
I looked at her and blew a puff.
"You killed them."
We exchanged glances.
"So why did they put you in here?" I asked.
"Because I'm a crazy pyromaniac lady."
We smoked for a little until she threw out her cigarette butt out the window.
"People think suicide is not an option, it is but for the weak." She told me.

"Can I see?" I asked.
She looked at me for a long time.
Her bright blue eyes were mesmerizing. I couldn't look away no matter how hard I tried.
She slowly removed her hood.
Then she put her dirty messy blonde hair behind her ear.
I couldn't believe what I saw.
Beauty and grace. But also pain and suffering. 
One side was young, beautiful, perfect while the other side was decorated with burn scars.
It was a true masterpiece.
One eye was light blue, while the other was dark green.

My heart began to race.
"Why are you showing me? The other two said you never talked."
She began to crawl up to me until she came so close that she could kiss me if she wanted to. Then she moved to my ear and lightly whispered.
"Because I like you."
Then she moved from my ear until she was face to face with me again.

I wanted to touch her. Her lips. Her body. Her mind. Everything about her.

She crawled back and sat up.
"Better get rid of the cigarette before they come back and smell it."
She pulled her hood up and fixed her hair so that it covered her face again. I blew my last puff and threw it out.

"I know that we just met, but I like you too."
She didn't show much of a reaction.
I liked it.
"I know" she said.
I left the room and closed the door. Some patients were staring at me others pretended like I wasn't there.

I went to my room.
Shut the door and I fell asleep.