Time Heals All Wounds [2] // the flash

3: Dear Barry Allen

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Barry stared down at the single piece of paper in his hand and sucked in a breath. The paper was still folded, but out of the envelope (which was what he managed to accomplish without crying for the past hour).

He sat alone in Star Labs, the lights dimmed and every computer and machine powered off. He couldn't bring himself to open this piece of paper. It was as if his heart and mind were in this endless battle. His mind needing to know Gen's last thought and his heart not thinking it could handle whatever she wrote down.

Finally, he placed the empty envelope down on the counter and aggressively opened the paper. His bright green eyes scanned the white piece of paper, and immediately saw her delicate handwriting start from the top.

Dear Barry Allen,

If you are reading this, then it means I'm dead. Not missing or just ignoring you or pretending to be dead for some bullshit reason, but truly dead.
I just need to start out by saying none of what happened is your fault, so don't you dare assume as much. This was my own doing, and I just wasn't strong enough to face it.
The day my parents died was the day my life was doomed. This dark path I went down to find their killer was inescapable. It was like quicksand for me, the more I struggled to free myself the faster I sunk deeper in.
I'd get praised at work for the number of kills I had under my belt by the time I was 21, but Barry please believe me when I say that each kill seemed to take a part of me with them. Each stab to the heart, bullet to the head, drop of poison in someone's drink slowly killed me inside.
I was already dead Barry.
I'm not saying my life was completely worthless, but it wasn't beneficial either. I'd committed many sins in my life, and I knew they'd catch up to me one day. I just never thought it'd be now.
Now I know we can agree I have made some good and bad choices throughout my life. From joining that whacked out sorority in college with Iris (which you did warn us about, but we were to ignorant to see people could actually be spawns of Satan) to accidentally breaking your date's arm at a dance senior year of high school, I really did know how to screw things up.
But Barry, loving you was the best choice I ever made.
I never knew loving someone so much would be possible. Yes there is Iris, Caitlin, Cisco, Joe, Ollie, Thea, the list goes on, but the love I have for you is pure and true. I love the way you'd make me smile over the smallest things. I love the way your eyes grow brighter when you talk about your nerdy things. I love the way your eyes crinkle up when you smile. I love how flustered and awkward you get in different situations. I love how you have always been my best friend through everything. Despite you finding out what I really did with my life, I never blamed you for the hatred you held for me in your heart. I deserved every bit of it for what I put you and everyone else through. I don't know how you really feel about me, but I felt like you had the right to know. With every fiber in my being, I love you, Barry Allen. Always have and always will.

With love,
Genevieve Snow

Barry didn't realize there were tears streaming down his face, until one hit the page. Quickly wiping them from his eyes, he delicately folded the paper back up and slipped it into the envelope. "Oh Gen," he whispered to himself, "I love you too."

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Well I made myself cry...again. Tell me what you guys thought of the letter, this chapter was kind of a filler. The real drama shall begin soon!!