You Can't Be Safe With Me

Virgin death

Keneth P. O. V

Most of the reason Im so bipolar is because I can't decide what to focus on. I try to focus on love, Then on my runaway, then the past. I just cant decide. I have been very different lately. One moment i want to kill, the next im on my knees pleading guilty.

I have been thinking lately,  should I just turn myself in?  What would be the point of staying if I already screwed up my life. I already attempted taking my life away. I almost succeeded and almost nearly no one noticed.  What Is the point? I dont want anyone else to suffer anymore.

Suddenly Evan and I are awoken thanks to a call I recieve from an unknown number (407)-183-0028.
Evan wakes up and stares at me while I pick up the phone.

K: "Hello? It's 3 am,  who is this?"

Unknown: "Excuse me is this Keneth Grafeelings?"

K: "Uhhh something like that why?"

U: "We are calling from Sherlet funiral homes... We regret to inform you that.. Well um.."

K: "What is it? Is this the right Keneth anyways??"

U: "well ma'am.  We have someone here you may know... Do you know Shila Lainiér?"

K: "yes why what is wrong with her? Is she alright?  Where is she??"

U: "Ma'am. She's ... She's dead. Her funeral will be held Sunday. Today is Friday so we called to remind you, but... Clearly you didn't know of her passing... "

¶ P E  T  R  I  F  I  E D¶

I stood holding the phone staring at the wall trying to process what was just said to me. Dead?  She's... Dead?  I knew I was going to hurt another life...

Why did I do it?

She deserved it. 

No she didn't!

Yes she did. You did an awesome job at getting rid of her.

But she thought I loved her!

Exactly!  Why are you arguing?  She thought she could love a psychopath like you and she was wrong.

But she...

I started sobbing and dropped the phone.

U: "hello?  Hello, ma'am?  Are you the- *beep,  beep,  beep,  beep*"

I started sobbing and sobbing and sobbing uncontrollably. I can't control my mind,  I can't control my life,  I can't even control my thoughts.

Evan picks up the phone and puts it in his ear while looking at me confused and worried.

E: "Um,  I'm sorry Keneth has gone to the bathroom and handed me the phone,  would you please repeat the news? "

U: "uhhhh who is this in relation to Ms. Keneth?"

E: "I'm Evan...Her boyfriend. What is happening?"

U: "Shila happens to be dead sir. Her funeral will be held this Sunday..."

E: "oh,  we will be attending the funeral thank you so much for the news"

U: "Im so sorry for your loss sir"

Evan then hung up the phone and stared at me while I sobbed and looked at him in the eye full of sorrow. "You're not my boyfriend" I whispered but he couldn't see me mouthing and whispering the words to him.

I got up and stared at the time. 

4  :  0  2     read the time.

¶P E T R I F I E D¶

I turned to him and decided,

Should I die virgin?  Or should I bow down to shame with sin

I graved a towel from a cabinet near the door,  then I walked out the room and into the bathroom. I turned on the shower head and undressed.

I sat in the tub hugging my knees and letting cold water flow through my hair while I cried my lungs out questioning my purpose in life.

If I stayed I would get caught for escaping the asylum. If I live I would be able to taste the sweet delicious Washington cherries and apples. If I stay I will cause more pain to myself and others. If I stay...

Why should I stay,  is there a personal reason to stay? Will there be meaning to my stay in this grand resort people call life?