The Way My Heart Beats

Chapter 25

Clara

3 Weeks Later..

I've been out of the hospital for eighteen days. I've found a new me in these past eighteen days. I sort of hit the ground running. I said I wanted a change, and I'm more determined now than ever before. Before, I let fear, hate, anger, and determination drive me. I thought I was strong for getting through the past four years. I thought I was handling life well considering how heartbroken and damaged I was, but I was more less trudging through quicksand. I guess I didn't sink, so there's that, but it wasn't living.

So, here I am. Living.

"Come on. Don't be shy. What's the worst that could happen? Everybody here is drunk, anyways." I say, trying to encourage Amelia to come sing karaoke with me.

"The worst that could happen?" She pulls her hand from mine and leans back in her chair. "Oh, I don't know, possibly puking on the people in the front row."

I throw my head back in laughter, and grab her arm again. "That won't happen. That's an irrational fear. You'll be fine."

With reluctance, she gives in and stands to her feet. "Okay. BUT," she holds up her index finger, turns around and takes one more shot of Fireball, "you owe me for this."

I stop before the stage and tell the DJ what song we're singing. Hopping on stage I grab the microphone and laugh at how crazy I feel. It's a wonderful feeling. I feel...free.

The music starts and we make it through to the chorus without a hitch other than Amelia being a bit shy and off key. But, as soon as the chorus comes, we both belt it out.

"Oh, I wanna dance with somebody.

I wanna feel the heat with somebody.

Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody.

With somebody who loves me."

We laugh as we get off stage as the entire room applauds us. "I guess that shot finally hit you." I joke with Amelia.

"Yeah, and I think we had more audience than we thought." She says, as she nods her head in the direction of the back door. Just as soon as I lock eyes with him, he darts out the door. My stomach drops and I head straight for the bathroom.

I didn't think I'd feel this way seeing him. I didn't think it would hurt. "Damn it!" I groan, running my fingers through my hair as I pace the floors. Amelia burst through the door, empathy on her face. She didn't even have to ask. I take a deep breath. "Yeah. I'm fine. I just need some fresh air." Without another word, I walk back into the bar straight for the back door.

The burst of cold air hits my lungs, freezing me in my thoughts. I press my back against the cold brick wall holding my fingers against my temple. Maybe the pressure will relieve the ache.

Here I am again, stuck in heartache. Trapped by my feelings and emotions. I'm so angry that I can't even cry. I bawl my fists and try to take a deep breath. Anxiety creeps through my veins aching my nerves. I count to ten, but before I know it my breaths become shorter and quicker. I'm hyperventilating. I can't control it now, so I just scream. I scream so hard my lungs have a hard time keeping up.

Then, the tears come. The same tears that have been stuck behind my eye lids for three weeks. The tears that burned my eyes when Grant told me he couldn't be with me, but I held them in.

And now they burn. They burn like alcohol on a fresh wound.

Grant

It was just suppose to be a night out with some of the guys from work, a few beers, a good time. I barely get in the damn door, and there she is. The same "she" I've been tossing and turning over these past few weeks. I watched her, mesmerized by how free she looked up there. I didn't realize the music had stopped until we locked eyes. It was like someone threw a rock at me. Suddenly, I was out the door trying to catch my breath.