The Way My Heart Beats

Epilogue

Clara

Our bags were packed and it was go time.

In the last eight months, we'd managed to get hitched and give birth to twins; both boys.

They came four weeks early, so we've spent the last three weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit making sure their lungs are fully developed. Today, it is time to go home.

"Babe, are you sure you got the car seats installed correctly?" I ask worriedly. It's one thing to take care of babies while at the hospital, but a whole new thing once home. It's been a while since I've had babies. I'm not new at this, but it's a moment of pain smoothed over with joy.

It's like a marred antique that's been sanded down to look like new and repainted. The damage is really still there, but has been covered up with newness and beauty. The pain I once felt has been numbed by the love and joy my life carries now. It gets me through, but the memory will always be there.

"Yes, sweetheart." Grant says as he squeezes my hand and kisses my forehead. "Everything is ready to go."

"Can you put Theodore in his carrier? I'll put Lawrence in his." My anxiety is getting to me. I'm anxious about taking these babies home. I can't believe they're mine. I should be taking them home to meet their older sisters. The pain stings again, but it's quickly numbed once more when I steal a glance at Grant, my husband. I'm secure in knowing he will never harm me or our babies. "I love you, Grant."

He looks up at me and smiles. "I love you, too, baby. Are you ready to get our boys home?" He asks me as he comes to stand beside me, wrapping his arm around me as we look down at our sleeping babies in their car seats.

Looking up at him, I smile. "I am."

The ride home was silent. I think we were just soaking it up--the idea of actually taking our babies home with us.

When we pull up into the driveway of our new home that sits at the end of a cul-de-sac, we are greeted by my parents, Mitch and Amelia, who are now engaged.

They had strung welcome home signs across the doorway. Everything was blue.

We receive hugs when we emerge from the car. My mom already taking Theodore out of his carrier. Amelia grabs Lawrence from the car, and Grant stands in front of me taking my hands.

With a confused look on my face, he gently rubs my hands with his thumbs. "What's wrong?" I question.

"I have someone who wants to meet you." Without another word, he pulls me toward the house. My dad opens the door, and behind him is a little girl who looks to be about four years old.

My eyes immediately well up with tears. I cover my mouth with my hands in pure shock of what I'm seeing. I would always know that face. "Grant? How?" He gently rubs the small of my back, and walks towards the little girl. He reaches for her hand, and she takes it without fear.

"Annie, would you like to meet your mother?" She shakes her head, yes, and I begin laughing and crying unable to contain the emotion.

I squat down on my knees to her level, and I reach my hand out for hers. "Hi, Annie. It's so good to see you."

She instantly hugs me just like she remembers me after all this time. I know she doesn't, but it feels so good. I look up to Grant with the look of a million and one questions on my face.

"All you have to do is sign the papers and she's ours." He smiles and waits for my reaction.

I wrap my arms around him. "But how, Grant? How?" I can barely get the words out. I'm shaking and overwhelmed.

"Annie's adoptive parents passed away about a year ago in a car accident. She was placed in care of the state afterwards because there wasn't a next to kin. The caseworker said they tried to find you, but since you were under a different name they had no luck." I couldn't believe it. Poor Annie had been through so much. The guilt swept in and nearly knocked me off my feet.

"Clara, Annie's going to be our daughter." The tears came again. My mother and father wrapped their arms around me with joy.

"Honey, this secret has been the hardest to keep. I am overjoyed for your little family, and I'm so thankful to have my granddaughter back." I squeezed her tight.

"I know, mom. I'm in shock. I just can't believe it." I turned to Annie and wrapped her in my arms.

"Sweetie, I know you don't know me, but I love you more than you will ever know. And, I'm so very sorry for ever letting you go." She didn't have any words for me, but the hug she gave me was more than enough.

"Annie, are you ready to meet your brothers?" Grant asks, and she shakes her head with a smile.

Watching my daughter meet my sons is heart stopping to say the least. Grant grabs my hand and pulls me to him. "I can't tell you how wonderful you are. There's just not enough words. I love you so much." He kisses the top of my head. "And I love you."

Grant holds Lawrence while I hold Theodore with Annie walking between us as we enter our home for the first time as a family of five. Those papers may not be signed and it may not be one hundred percent official, but in my heart my family is complete.

I take a look at the sign on our front door that reads: "The Holland's, est. 2016." I shut the door behind me, and I smile to myself with joy bubbling over. This is the way my heart beats. The only way.