Scarred Heart||Chesh||

Fuck My Feelings

Just when you think you've had enough, a new drama starts a second later. This time the drama was caused by your's truly, Kaylee's Fucking Feelings!!!

It all started with math class. I sat next to my cousin's friend from fifth grade, actually two of my cousin's friends were in that class. The one I sat next to wore glasses and played soccer. Let's call him Derek. Derek was smart and nice while his friend (also my cousin's friend) was kind of smart and playfully mean. Okay so they weren't really my cousin's friends, they pretty much disliked my cousin and so did I. My cousin is pretty stuckup and mean as hell! Anyway enough about him(my cousin).
Derek, his friend, and I bonded over disliking my cousin. Sounds bad but it was nice to know a few people in that class. Soon enough our teacher moved our seats and sat us in order from top test scores to lowest test scores. There was only about 25 of us I believe since it was Advanced Math7. I got seated last and Derek's friend got the seat next to me. Thing is earlier that day I had gotten seated next to him for English. Derek's friend was Ryan. Yes that's his real name, Let's hope he doesn't read this or find out about the book. Anyway Ryan and I would talk during class so fucking much to the point where I caught feelings for him but, he didn't know which was great because I loved that friendship so damn much. We got close to the point where I told him I would bite his hand if he tried touching my shit again. So back to the everyday math class. Him and I would talk sometimes in that class, one of my best friends and now one of my sisters Destany decided to say that Ryan and I would make a good CC. I blushed but then played it off saying "Hell no I wouldn't do that to Alexa" since Ryan was Alexa's ex so it felt wrong. Destany just shrugged it off and said Alexa would be okay with it.
A few weeks passed and we were in the same seats. Ryan was telling me how bored he was at home so I told him he should text his friends. He said he did but his friends weren't usually on so I told him I was on most of the time and then we carried on with class.
Later that fucking night I get a message from him.
Ryan: Hey I'm bored

Me: Hey

Me: Thought you were bored

Ryan: I am

Me: So...what do you wanna talk about?

And it carried on from there. I don't remember all of it but, I can say that I liked texting him even after he said he liked someone else but, then said he wasn't gonna ask her out. I think it was like 2 days after that he said he liked someone else so I asked who. He made me play this huge ass game where I had to figure it out. He kept capitalizing the word 'YOU' so I asked if it was me. He said no. I got annoyed and just told him he can tell me the next day. He said okay but, then after he said

Ryan: I rather tell you now.
            You.

Me: So it was me

Ryan: Yes kind of but not alot

I blushed like crazy that day. My crush told me he fucking liked me! The next day was awkward I saw him in 0 and 3rd period. Luckily I wasn't sitting next to him in third. But he was seated at the table in front of me and the seat closest to me. I was awkward, Alexa saw it. She was laughing at me.
I forgot to mention he messaged me that morning as well just to ask if I figured it out.

Back to the current day, I don't remember this day as much but I do know that I talked to his little cousin and his cousin said something that me feel weird in a good way. He asked if I was his cousin's (Ryan) girlfriend. I answered with a simple No. Then Ryan went back to texting me. He said that his other cousin was coming over and that he was just as snoopy as his little cousin. His cousin apparently asked him if he was texting the girl he liked. Ryan said 'Yes' and damn was I blushing. My cousin that Ryan knew came up to me and asked who I was texting and I said 'Ryan' he asked me if I liked him and I said maybe. I told Ryan about it and he said Why he couldn't maybe but I could. I said cause my cousin is a snitch. He said what if Alexa asked. I said 'I would've said yes'. We made our usual conversation and then up came the question.

Ryan: My cousin told me to ask you out. So do you want to go out?

To be totally honest I got pissed. Not the reaction you were expecting right? I answered,

Me: So it's just because your cousin wants to not because of you?

Ryan: No, I do want to it's just that he told me.

Me being the dumbass said Yes. That was the day we got together 6/01/17

He was the first boy to admit having feelings for me. He was the first boy that asked me out.

He was my first heartbreak~

We broke up the day before we reached our first month. He said it was because of his parents. My mom had met Ryan already so she didn't care as long as I didn't do anything stupid.

He told me not to be sad and not to cry. But when were together he pranked me saying we should breakup and then said just kidding. I told him he was an asshole and that he made me cry. But I forgave him and continued on. That day he said that he told me he had feeling for my friend let's call her Bella. Bella's short but very pretty she had guys crushing on her, damn was I jealous of her but she was my friend.

Anyway we after him and I brokeup he said we could still be friends. That's where I fucked up. It was about a week or two after we had broken up and he asked Bella out but before that he asked me if I would mind if he got with someonelse. I went off said that he was caught in a lie and that I didn't fucking care anymore and I was done with everyone's bullshit. He asked Bella out but she was being a good friend and said no she wouldn't do that to me or her ex who she had recently broken uo with. After he asked her out he went back to me and said that if I wanted we could get back together. I told him no and if were to ask me out it should be in person. By the way he apparently forgot to tell me his parents let him be in a relationship.

I was done with him. He hurt me when were together and when weren't. That's another scar on my heart. August 1st, 2017 was the day I said "It's been of a month being single...AGAIN" but FUCK IT. Being free is the best. Don't let any boy or girl control you. Don't let them use you. Trust me. Yes I still miss him even after the jerk he turned out to be but, it takes time to get over a heartbreak. By August 15th I wanna be over him. That's the firat day of school. That's when I have to face him again. I said "This eighth grade year I'm gonna be a badass! I'm gonna be a daredevil. I'm gonna focus. I'm not gonna be a shy girl anymore! I'm going to confess if I know I like someone! NO MORE SCARED FETUS!!!"

Love you y/n~

Don't forget your beautiful/handsome~

Don't forget that if you need help or advice contact BabyA or Me we will be here for you no matter what! Our contact info. Is in our bio!

Goodnight/Morning cuties~

august 2nd, 2017
12:54am