Suicidal House (boyxboy)

6

Rain patterned against my window as I sighed, tugging my blanket closer to my chest. Usually I hated the crappy weather but today it just seemed to reflect my mood.

"Rough night?"

Dragging my head up I saw Neeve stood in the door way, rubbing the back of neck awkwardly. I knew I shouldn't of been mad at her, she had no idea about Dean or what had happened but if she had just not said anything none of this would have happened.

"Had better ones," I grunted, stretching my arms above my head. She smiled sadly as she walked in, sitting on Atticus' bed. I stared over at her for a few seconds before she caught my gaze and I looked away quickly.

"Do you know where Atticus is?" I asked quietly, sitting up in my bed and leaning against the headboard. Neeve sighed and shook her head, bringing her legs up to sit cross legged. "I'm sorry," She whispered, looking down as she twiddled with her thumbs in her lap. I just stood up and walked over to her, nudging her chin so that she'd look up at me. She had enormous brown eyes, with specks of gold around the outside and they were filled with sadness. I knew that look. I'd seen it in my own reflection many times. "It's not your fault, don't worry about it. Now where's that bubbly Neeve we all know and love, huh?" I said teasingly as she rolled her eyes, punching me in the shoulder playfully.

As glad as I was that Neeve felt okay, I couldn't stop thinking about Atticus and the conversation we'd had. I felt confused and upset, what if I had just taken him being nice in the wrong way? I wasn't used to people actually caring about me, people cared about my disease and my condition and the strain it put on them. Not me as a person, that person had died a long time ago.

"So how are you feeling?" Neeve queried, grabbing my arm as she yanked me down on my bed next to her so that we were both laying down. Shrugging I turned to face her, our noses brushing against each other as I stared intently into her eyes. "I'm not even sure anymore," I murmured, closing my eyes.

"It's okay to feel sad Eli, you know that right? It's completely normal."

I shook my head and turned to lay on my back.

"Of course I do, everyone gets sad. But I don't deserve to be sad, I can't be a fucking walking bag of bones that pushes everyone away, screws up every opportunity they're given and let's their best friend die and gets to be sad." My voice croaked at the end, the familiar feeling of my heart clenching rippling through my body. Neeve didn't say anything for a few minutes, she just laid her head on my chest as she draped one of her arms around me.

"Everyone gets to be sad. It doesn't matter why you are, it doesn't matter what your life is like or what you're like as a person. Everyone gets sad. We all have our reasons.." Neeve trailed off, snuggling into my side even more. Before I could ask anything Atticus walked into our room, stopping when his eyes landed on me and Neeve in bed together.

Quickly I got up and brushed  my pyjamas down as I scratched the back of my head. "Where have you been?" I asked quietly, stepping towards him. Atticus stepped back and shook his head as he grabbed his jacket, turned around and walked out of the room. I followed him down the hallway, watching him pull his jacket on as he headed towards the front door.

"What is your problem?" I called, groaning as he swung open the door and waltzed out into the rain. Rain hammered down as I stood in the door way, contemplating on whether I should go outside until I realised that he was getting further and further away from me. I groaned loudly and ran outside and towards Atticus, the heavy rain soaking through my flimsy clothes and my bare feet slapping against the slippery concrete.

"Atticus just wait!"

Atticus slowly came to a stop as he turned to face me, his dark hair sticking to his forehead as the rain pattered against his leather jacket. "What do you want Eli?" He asked, sticking his bony hands deep in his pockets. I just stood and stared at him for a second, forgetting the rain, forgetting my stinging feet and forgetting how cold I was. I just stood and watched him, watched the rain travel down his face, watched his hazel eyes stare deeply at me as if he could see right through me and I sighed softly.

"I-I don't know, I just... What was last night? Did you try and kiss me? Do you like me? I mean you hardly know me and I'm just a fucking mess Atticus, I don't even know how I feel about all of this. I don't even know if I'm, you know.. gay. And as far as I was concerned you and Zara were a thi-"

Atticus cut me off, cupping my cheeks as his lips smashed against mine. Everything else seemed to disappear as my lips moved against his, my hands snaking up to his head, my fingers locking in his hair. Atticus trailed one of his hands down my chest as he grabbed my hip and pulled me against him, biting on my bottom lip softly before pulling away gently. He leant his forehead against mine as he slipped off his jacket, draping it around me.

"It's like you're a fucking water baby," He breathed, smirking as he looked down at me.

***

Somehow me and Atticus ended up back under the gazebo as the rain continued to pour down. He was sprawled casually across the day bed and I was sat cross legged with a blanket wrapped around me, looking down at my lap.

"You're quiet," Atticus hummed, placing his hands behind his head. My cheeks flushed as I looked up at him, shrugging gently. "Look I'm not like you, okay? I-I don't know what that was but it can't happen again, I hardly know you." He just laughed, rolling his eyes as he sat up on the bed and leant back on his arms.

"We can take it slow, I don't mind."

I shook my head as he smirked at me, leaning over as he brushed his lips against mine. I pushed him away gently.

"We are not thing, we're practically strangers."

Atticus let out a frustrated sigh as he cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look at him as his hazel eyes stared deeply into mine once again. They were so captivating, so intimidating but also so beautiful.

"Just shut up Eli. I've known who you are for ages, I've read your blogs, watched your videos until you stopped posting because of how far gone you are and I've seen all your art. I've got your drawings printed off and stuck on my fucking wall. I know you, I know how you feel, how you express yourself and how fucking lonely you are. I want to help, I fell in love with you before I even met you. So you're not gay, how do you even know? Just give this a chance and see how it goes. I know you need a friend."

My cheeks flared as I listened to Atticus talk, I never knew that anyone had taken such an interest in me but I didn't know why he had. He smiled at me as he rubbed my cheek gently.

"What I didn't know was how much of a bitch you were," He taunted, winking at me as I whacked his hands away gently.

"Clearly you didn't do your research."

Atticus suddenly scooped me up in his arms laughing loudly as he ran out into the rain, drenching us both. He started spinning us around as I begged him to put me down in between laughs.

"Williams, Forbes inside now!"

We both jumped as Atticus quickly put me down, facing Honey who was stood at the back door looking extremely angry.

"Looks like we've stirred the Honey pot.."

Hey guys I'm sorry for such a short chapter I've just got a lot going on at the moment. But please keep voting if you're reading, it really helps me out and I really appreciate it :)