A Sword And A Shield

Chapter 5

When I woke up the next morning, I was doing everything I could in order to get up. Not only did my whole body hurt because of the bruises and cuts, but I also couldn't bring myself to find a reason to continue going to school. But I didn't have any reasonable excuse, so I forced myself out of bed.

After a quick shower and finding something to wear I stumbled down the stairs, just to find my mom and dad angry at each other again. They weren't yelling as usual, but I could feel the anger and hatred in the room. 

"Good morning," I mumbled just loud enough for them to hear me. 

"Morning love, have you slept well?" my mom asked me with slight concern. She probably noticed the huge and dark eyebags I couldn't cover with makeup and maybe some of the slowly fading bruises too. She knew, but did nothing. She was (and is) too weak. I'm not surprised, everyone seems weak against my father. Or at least too weak to help me in any way possible or imaginable. Not that I had any faith that someone would help me anyway. Sometimes I dreamt of a prince who would come on a white horse and rescue me from the ogre I have been trapped with. But this is reality, not a dream. In reality, there are no princes, no happy endings. Just me and my father. 

"Not too well, been doing homework 'till late at night," I answered with a bad feeling that I'm lying to her. But I couldn't tell her  that I've been crying 'till 1 a.m. Even if she would understand, my father definitely wouldn't. He'd start yelling at me for being a dumb, unreasonable, whiney and pathetic bitch. Not that I would argue with him on any of that. I know that I am all of those things, and much much worse. But this wasn't the time to feel depressed, this was the time to try and escape that house in order to get to school before the bell rang. 

I didn't bother making neither breakfast nor lunch for school. I was focused solely on escaping my parents. I grabbed my keys and shut the door behind me, before I could hear my mom asking me something and forcing me to answer it, just for the sake of saving her skin before my father who would start yelling at her the second I closed the door. I knew she did that, because it was the same with me. When I was about to be left at home only with him, I've tried to keep her  home for the longest time I could, even if it meant asking idiotic questions. But I didn't have the time to spare, so I hadn't given it much thought. I put in my headphones and began the long walk to school. 

When I arrived at the front gate, I noticed Rick and Vicky talking and laughing again. They looked so good together, as if they were meant to be. But when I looked closer, I could see that he had the same fake smile he had the day before. I smiled to myself, knowing that he didn't have this smile when he looked at me.

You are so pathetic, you are fangirling over a fucking boy who you just met. And this smile shit, how do you know that it isn't just in your head? Look at how happy he is with her. What in the world would give you the idea that he would want to even look at you, let alone talk to you again? You are stupid, ugly, fat, useless. Unlike Vicky. Look at them. They look so good together, so happy. Do you think he would be this happy with you? Of course he wouldn't. No one would. That's why you're all alone, because no one can ever be happy with you. 

I sighed and with a single tear rolling down my cheek I bowed down my head and rushed to the front gate. I tried to stop the thoughts in my head filling my ears with nasty and ugly words, but I couldn't. I knew they were speaking the truth.  

"Emily. Emilyy! Em! EEM!" I heard a voice from behind me. I turned around to see Rick waving at me with a cute, yet fake smile spread across his face with Vicky staring at us, as if she just saw something unbelievable. I could see anger mixed with sadness in her eyes. I felt blood rush to my cheeks as soon as I realised that he left her to come to me. I smiled sheepishly and glued my eyes to the tips of my shoes.

"H- hi Rick," I stuttered like a fucking twelve year old who's just been noticed by her crush. Well, technically I'm just like that, with the difference of me being fifteen, not twelve. 

"How are you Em? You seem kind of sad, is everything okay?" he asked me with obvious concern in his voice. Normally I wouldn't trust someone that easily to tell them how I really feel, but there was something about this boy with chestnut brown eyes filled with sincere concern about me that I couldn't resist. 

"I'm fine, thanks for asking. It had just been a long and hard night. And an even harder morning. But I'm okay now, thanks for asking," I replied. I wasn't lying. I was okay now that I was able to see his eyes looking at me and his fake smile fading away and being replaced by a caring look. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him the whole truth. Not now, not here, not with all these people looking at us and possibly listening to our conversation. 

"Are you sure you're okay Em? You don't seem okay to me."

"I'm sure I'm okay. At least for now." 

"I'm not taking it. You're at least going to tell me about your night and morning. But not now, we'll talk later. Meet me by the lockers after the seventh period, okay? Take care Em. Bye."

Without giving me a chance to agree or protest, or say anything in particular, he left with that cute, heart-melting smile of his. I just managed to wave him goodbye with a pretty dumb look on my face, as I was not able t comprehend that someone actually wanted to talk to me. Someone that cute and good-looking actually was concerned with me and wanted to know what's wrong. 

There's no way he would really care for you. You know he doesn't, he's just trying to find out things about you he can then laugh about with his friends. 

With a feeling that I couldn't tell if was good or bad, I found my way to my classroom and began thinking of the things I would tell him after school, if we'd actually meet up. I was thinking so hard I didn't even notice Vicky glaring at me from the neighbouring seat. Without giving any thought to the lecture I started daydreaming about the boy with chestnut hair and a beautiful smile, whose one single look seemed like it could melt all my problems away.