a little bit of madness is key

My mind, My body

I am tired of being prisoner to my own body,
my own mind,
oh lord no they are not kind.

My body does not move and flow and operate like my mind wants it to,
it is awkward and stumbly and lazy and it cannot be willed to do the simplest of tasks on most days.

My mind does not let me function, does not let me go to social events, does not let me buy ice cream confidently,
every word has to be planned or it ends up stuttered and awkward or followed by a chorus of sorries.

My body says thick thighs and thin waist and perfect female feminine body.

My mind says flowing gender that changes like the weather.

My mind interprets gentle breakups as the worst and my body responds with flowing tears.

I hate myself.

I hate my mind, my body, for they won't let me breathe.

I just want to breathe