Mercenary Wolf

Ch 15

I barely registered the kid getting up, or the dad following after. One day, not even a full twenty four hours after meeting the black wolf, and I had been stripped down to nothing.

Big man that black wolf had called me. Do you want to walk in my world big man? His challenge had scared the piss outta me.

I'd always been proud of my build, being a big man. But now I knew the truth. It didn't mean shit. I was a coward who couldn't face the rough parts of life without doing it through a bottle.

I fucking hated that bottle right now. My breathing was still coming out ragged as I opened that sucker and poured it out, right there. Not because the guys depended on me, not because I had promised Jimbo. I didn't want it. I didn't want to be the weak-ass idiot I've been.

Big man. The black wolf faced life. His wife, that beautiful loving woman... something I never had, never really thought of. Even if I'd pictured a wife, I'd picture a series of one night stands with the same Barbie-doll type woman. I doubt I would ever be the domestic type. I never pictured that kind of love. I knew I'd be broken if I had that and lost it. He wasn't. Pain, murder in his eyes, unashamed tears falling from his face? All of it. His kid loved him.

And the kid, raised to be wolf at his father's shoulder the wife had said in the stories. Raised by this man. I could see his mother in him, the teasing fun side of him. And that focus when he fought? Wolf I knew now.

The dad hadn't quite fought like the kid. The kid did his own thing. I was curious now why the wrestling.

Eddie came and put a hand on my shoulder. His gentle squeeze as he crouched down next to me was enough to starts the tears flowing. I wasn't gonna be a frigging coward anymore. That wasn't who I was.

The guys were standing around. I motioned them to sit around me.

"Just for a sec, got something I wanna share."

Eddie didn't hesitate, plopped himself right down, right then and there. There was a bit of hesitation among the others, especially Derrick.

"Come on hacker, you're crew now. Take a seat."

Once they were settled around the embers of the fire I began.

"I killed a man."

"We've all killed, or most of us," said Eddie as he threw a look and a grin toward our hacker. There were matching grins from my seasoned vets.

"Line of duty, for the mission, or in defense, yeah. That ain't what I'm talking about. I killed a man."

They settled down when they saw me getting serious.

"Back in..." I started. Eddie interrupted me.

"We know when and where."

I nodded. The guys didn't trust the newest member of our crew to keep his mouth shut, especially since he was the only one to bring in an outsider. I sighed, Eddie wasn't making this easy but I was determined.

"Derrick is crew now. If I'm gonna say something in front of my crew, means I trust them," I told Eddie. I looked at Derrick.

"You staying or going?"

Meaning can I trust you or not. Cause if I find out later the answer is not, it won't be pretty. I couldn't say it though, I wanted trust because it was trust, not agreement from intimidation. I know I'd ridden the kid a bit, but call it initiation. Time to move on.

"Staying," our hacker said with determination. He settled in, trying not to look at the guys, trying to be one of us hard-asses.

I nodded even as I tried not to chuckle at him. I looked around at the guys. Got the nod of acceptance from all of them.

"All right. Back to it then. I killed a man. I was drunk, he was pimping kids. Came after me when I turned down a little girl. Ticked me off seeing that child turning tricks. I told the guy to fuck off and I hit him, just once. Just once."

I thought about that night now, on purpose instead of nightmares slamming me in the middle of the night. Time to face myself. Past time.

"I ain't fought since, not with my fists. I been scared to fight, scared I'll kill someone I didn't mean to kill. I ain't drunk since then, 'cept for now. Jimbo made me go dry. It was rough. I wanted to die, I really did. Jimbo fought me to save me at every turn. I really do owe that man my life, more than once.

"Drinking now? I'm sorry guys. I was weak, been weak. Been fighting it, especially without Jimbo at my side. I depended on him, too damn weak to do it on my own."

I paused a bit. The next part... I wasn't sure I was ready for the next part, but here goes.

"Meeting Black Wolf," and I had to chuckle a bit at the name, "it made me see what kinda man I've been. This bottle?" I raised the empty third bottle. "It's gone because I want it gone. Getting those bottles, all I can say is I had a shock to work out of my system. I didn't drink 'em like I'd drunk before. I needed them. Now I don't. I'm on the other side of it now."

I looked around at my guys. They looked at me like they didn't know what to say.

"I'll understand if you don't want to stay part of my crew. I've been a stupid shit to you guys. You deserve better than the crap you've had to deal with coming from me."

"Mac," said Eddie, "you think we, most of us, don't know what you've been dealing with? We've watched you, brother. We are the best damn crew around because of you. You push us to be our best, you watch out for us like a frigging mother hen. You value us and our lives and choose jobs accordingly. We trust you or we would have left long time ago."

There were nods all around. I got up and they got up with me. I couldn't stop myself. I hugged each and every one of them sons of bitches.

"Hey," I said suddenly, "the kid's crew too, only kinda honorary. Call him Little Wolf around here."

"And the dad?" Eddie asked.

"The dad is on retainer, a fighter who chooses his own battles."

"You gonna tell us what it's all about?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, just not yet. The information is there, the brain just doesn't want to connect the dots is all." I looked around. "Where'd the kid go?"

"Up front with his bike to get the salve for his dad," Derrick replied.

I had one more crew member to hug!