Don't You Ever Let Me Go. (Jalex)

So What If I Am?- Chapter 8

[Jack's pov]

Alex.

That one name could make a person happy, that name could make a person mad, that name could make a person sad, depressed even. That name could make the little heart I have in my chest thump harder than anything else. It could make my heart feel like it was constantly on fire and ready to be ripped to shreds. Why, you may ask? I have no clue. You may even ask 'How?' But again, my answer will still be I don't know. I wish I knew. It could be from the mixed feelings he has, the pain he makes me feel, or how he rejects being my friend and making me feel humiliated. Or maybe, just maybe, it could be the way he looks when we talk about Blink-182, maybe it's from the way his sandy colored hair gets in his eyes and the annoyed expression on his face makes me laugh, maybe it's from the way he looks in his leather jacket or makes weird and random conversation when we're alone. Maybe it's because he hates me. He down right hates me. My existence is something he despises, my breathing probably angers him. He's probably just waiting for me to drop dead at this exact second. Only if I could. 

I laid in my bed thinking of things to write about. A song, it has to be about how I feel, what I want to say, or what I want to do but just can't. That could be anything! I groaned and stuffed a pillow over my face. I'm no good at writing songs, I'm only good at writing guitar chords, stuff like that. When it comes to lyrics I'm no use, I'm useless. Well, I'm going to fail miserably. Or maybe not, I do have Rian and *cringes* Alex, by my side. Maybe one of them know how to write a song? We have a whole month. We have to have lyrics, guitar parts, drums, bass, whatever the hell else. This is too much work for me. Can't I just go back and drown in my own sorrow and hatred? Of course I can. 

There was a knock on my door. Confused, I got up and opened the door. There looking at me was Rian and Astrid. I smiled, maybe I won't have to drown in horrible depression tonight. I let them in my room. 

"We explained to your mom who we were. She kind of looked excited when we mentioned we were friends of yours." Rian chuckled. 

"Yeah well, that's because the only friend I had before was Zack." I laughed with him and Astrid. 

"So, can we spend the night? We don't feel like listening to sex sounds coming from Alex's room." Astrid cringed. 

'Ronnie.' I thought to myself. My stomach flopped at the thought of him having sex with that....thing... And it didn't flop in a good way, this made me want to puke my lunch up. My heart started to slow down with sadness. Ugh, fucking teenage confusing, weird ass hormones. I silently groaned and agreed to Astrid and Rian staying the night. I wouldn't want to listen to that either if I was them. I sat on the floor, Rian on the edge of my bed and Astrid in the gaming chair I owned. We sat there playing video games until our vision went crazy and began to go blurry from staring at the lit TV screen. 

"Aww what the fuck? You cheater!" I yelled as Astrid laughed at me. 

"Not a cheater, just a better gamer than you and I JUST BEAT YO' ASS BOYYYY!" Astrid threw the remote down and cheered. I groaned in response. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. 

I smiled as I read the text from Zack.

Zack: Hey can I come over?

Me: Yeah, sure.

Zack: Good, because I'm in your driveway. Come fucking let me in man!

I laughed at the texts and shook my head. He comes over and then when he reaches my driveway he asks to come over? What if I would have said no. Nah, I would never say no. Astrid, Rian and I all walked down stairs and greeted Zack. He now talks to more than just me, not he talks to Rian and Astrid. When Astrid saw Zack her eyes lit up and I saw her cheeks go slightly pink. She definitely likes him. I would have to pry the real answer from her later. I quickly looked over at Zack who was smiling. I wonder if he likes her. We all walked back up to my room, but this time with tons of junk food and drinks, to resume our video games.

[Alex's pov]

Ronnie showed up at my house, I haven't even thought where I was going to take her for this date. I seriously didn't want to take her on a date, I just wanted to talk to Jack and tell him how sorry I am, I wanted to apologize to all of my old friends and tell them I'm a heartless jerk, but they probably already know how much of a heartless jerk I am. I just want to sit around with Jack and talk about Blink-182 and Green Day. I sighed and changed into some decent enough clothes and walked down stairs. Ronnie stood in the doorway with a short dress and heels. Slutty as usual. I hope she doesn't think we're having sex tonight, the thought of that makes me sick. Astrid and Rian left as soon as they saw Ronnie enter the house. I don't blame them, even I want to hide away from Ronnie and myself right now. But I can't.

Ronnie and I walked in to the very expensive and fancy restaurant. P.S I rather be at McDonald's than this place. We sat at the table our waitress assigned us to and looked through the menus. I could barely pronounce any of this shit, let alone know what it is. I shrugged my shoulders and laid my menu down. I'll just get shrimp or a salad or something. Everything in the restaurant was all calm and quiet until I saw a teenager, nearly the same age as me, fighting with some business guy. I only heard parts of the conversation. 

"Pink Lemonade? That's only for women and fags, son!" The business man said with disgust.

"Then you'd better bring me the entire pitcher!" The teenager retorted. I chuckled at the argument. I couldn't hear anything after that but I guessed it was about homosexuality, seeing how the business prick said 'fag'  and clearly looked disgusted. Soon enough the teenage boy threw a glass of tea on 2 business men. I finally busted out laughing, but the family and business men paid me no mind. 

"What are you laughing at?" Ronnie asked.

"Those guys fighting over if being gay is okay or not." I shrugged my shoulders. 

"Ew, of course it isn't okay, that's fucking nasty!" Ronnie cringed. 

I stared at her. She disgusted me, those business men disgusted me. Being gay is perfectly okay! Just these people talking about how homophobic they are made me think of Tom. I frowned. I missed Tom, he was the best big brother ever. 

"You know, you should really try living someone else's life. Where the tables are turned and you're the one who is gay and having to face homophobic people. I can't even imagine the torture or pain they feel." I lifted my head and looked at Ronnie. 

"Ew, Lex. That's weird. Why do you care about it anyways?" She snorted. 

"Because I fucking do." I crossed my arms.

"Now you're acting gay." Her voice got louder. What a bitch. I rolled my eyes and thought for awhile. 

"So what if I am? I rather be gay than be with a slut." I retorted. 

"You just admitted to being gay. You must be joking." She started to chuckle. The dumb founded expression on her face made me laugh. She probably thinks I'm joking but I'm not, I've been in the situation the black haired, tea throwing boy is in right now. 

A/N- So I decided to refer to one of my FAVORITE fanfictions of all time. The part where the teenage boy and the business men fight about homosexuality and the teenage boy throws his drink at them is from "More Than Human" (Frerard) by YoungMistress. She completely wrote that part, as it is in her fiction. So all credit goes to her for that part! (I thought I should state this before someone goes like "You copied ideas!" Nope, just wanted you all to know about her amazing writing.)