And the answer is I don't know.
I don't, I really don't.
Maybe it's because I've seen too many faces
twisted up and in agony.
Maybe it's because I've heard too many cries
and talks of violence and suicide.
Maybe it's because there's always someone better that I could be,
know exactly how to be,
but yet DON'T be.
Because I choose self security over collective happiness,
whether through experience, opportunity, or wealth.
And that is selfishness.
I am selfish, even when my actions are not
because my mind is infected with the virus of tragedy and disaster.
I no longer want to have love,
because love links amygdalas together,
and grows the bond of empathy.
And if I give love, that's okay.
People are deserving of love and forgiveness,
but yet here I become a hypocrite for saying
I am not deserving of that.
If love is so strong that there is empathy,
do I really want to sentence the victim that loves me
to all the darkness in me too?
