How Could You

Trapped

A/N from Rae: I cannot emphasize enough that this story will not get finished unless I get comments on new chapters. I need to know people are reading it in order to finish it.

What feels like hours to you pass in silence, with you trapped in your own body. Until Lido finally speaks up for you.
"Oh, if you boys could hear her. Begging... screaming to get control back. Honestly, it's getting kind of annoying. Maybe I should send her to Hell myself."
"Fine. We'll play your game. What do you want?" Dean asked.
"I think you can guess. Those trials you're doing- to slam us all into Hell. To lock the doors and throw away the key. I'm going to need you to stop them. And I'm going to need proof before I go anywhere."
"Yeah, right. Good luck doing anything without your little demon magic-"
"Dean, maybe he's right. Maybe we should just let it go," Sam interrupted him.
"I'm not letting anything go until we get [Y/N] back," Dean said through his teeth.
"Well then, I'll just hand over the wheel to her and maybe she can convince you," Lido said.
Suddenly you were you again, but you could feel Lido in the back of your mind. "Dean, Sam, please, just listen to him. There will be another chance-" but suddenly you felt crippling pain shoot down your spine, sending you to the ground crying out in pain. "He can still hurt me in here, with the linking spell," you choked out. "Please, please, Dean let it go please," you whined in pain. Lido was doing this to you and you were too weak not to beg in his favor.
Both of the Winchesters cringed at the sight of you being tortured from the inside. But of course, Dean wouldn't give in. Sam took the initiative. "Okay, okay, stop!" he yelled. Sam pulled a knife from his jacket and grabbed Dean's nondominant hand, cutting a slice across his forearm.
"Sam, no!" Dean yelled, grunting in the mild pain from the cut.
"What, you don't think saving an innocent person is more important?!" Sam yelled angrily. "We will find another way!"
You and Lido watched as the aura of the trials slipped out of Dean and disappeared. That's when Lido took over again. "Why, I didn't think it would be that easy," he said, chuckling maniacally. "Now, sweet boys, if you'll just let me out of this Devil's trap I'll be on my way."
"No. Not until you reverse the linking spell," Sam said. He didn't want Dean to talk, didn't want him to say anything. He didn't know why he was surprised Dean wasn't willing to give up the trials, he was just angry.
Lido sighed. "Fine." Some Enochian words came out of your mouth, and suddenly you felt like a separate entity from Lido. You knew he was there without Lido giving you permission to know he was there. "Unlinked. Promise. On Lucifer."
That's when Dean started reciting an exorcism as quickly as he could. Sam panicked, thinking Lido hadn't told the truth about releasing the link, but before he could do anything to stop Dean, it was over. A black cloud exited your body, and you slumped over. "God dammit, Dean," Sam muttered angrily as he rushed over to you, picking you back up. He placed two fingers on your neck, trying to feel for a pulse. A sigh of relief escaped him when he felt it. You were still you, still alive.
"What?" Dean asked.
"Dean, what if the demon had been lying? You would've just signed her permission slip into Hell," Sam spat.
"Yeah, well, he wasn't."
"You of all people, should know that demons lie," Sam said.
"And you of all people should know that we do whatever it takes to stop them," Dean replied.
"Even if it meant sending an innocent person to Hell? Dean, she never did anything. The demon just chose her and happened to get lucky."
"Yeah, well, that demon's luck almost burnt this bunker to the ground just now. So you tell me that one person is more important than everything we've ever worked for to protect humankind."
You began to wake up, finally in control and alone in your own body. "Is he gone?" you croaked out.
Sam looked at you, pushing your hair out of your face. "Yeah. He's gone. For good this time." Sam picked you up and carried you out of the dungeon and back to your room, placing you in bed.
"I'm sorry, Sam," you whispered.
"Shhh, don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. Just get some rest."
"Not about Lido... about Dean," you told him.
"You don't need to be sorry about him, okay? Please, just get some rest." He started to get up to leave, but you grabbed his wrist.
"Don't go," you pleaded. "I don't wanna be alone..." You also didn't want him asking Dean what Lido was talking about back in the dungeon. You didn't want Dean telling on you. If anything, you had to do it. "Please stay with me, Sam..."
Sam looked down at his feet, deliberating. After a few moments he looked back over at you and cracked an almost-smile. "Okay."
You smiled softly back at him and he kicked off his shoes before sitting in the bed next to you. He seemed a little caught off guard when you snuggled up to him, placing your head on his chest and curling up close. He gingerly wrapped his arm around you, protecting you. Things were quiet for a good long while, and you figured Sam probably thought you were asleep.
"Hey Sam?" you asked softly.
"Hm?" he somewhat grunted in response.
"Was last night a date?" you prompted.
He was silent for a few moments. "Did you want it to be?" he replied.
"I guess I wouldn't mind if it was... what about you?"
More silence. "I think I wanted it to be. I just don't know if hunters even go on dates. Relationships are kind of tricky in this life, you know?"
You sighed. "Believe me, I know. I've seen it work out before, though."
"Me too. In a ride together, die together kind of way."
"At least they were happy..." you trailed off, looking up at Sam as you did. His gaze met yours and he placed his hand under your chin, pulling your face to his to kiss you. The kiss turned intimate very quickly, and you pulled yourself up to be closer to him, twisting your hand in his hair. "Sam, I think I really like you," you murmured.
"I know I really like you," he said back, leaning in to continue kissing you.
You knew what was about to happen, and you knew you should tell Sam before it did. At least, that's what your conscience told you. But why would you listen? No, that would be too easy. Too complicated. Contradicting. So when Sam rolled his body on top of yours, you smiled and embraced it. Because this, this made you happy. And you knew that telling him you slept with his brother wouldn't. Besides, Dean was just a one night stand you abandoned in a motel more than three years ago. What you had with Sam wasn't even close to that.
You deepened your kiss with Sam, keeping tongue to a tasteful minimum. His hands traced your body, like he was trying to memorize it, like he wanted to keep it forever. You ran your hands up under his shirt, holding onto the bare skin of his back, scratching at it when he squeezed your hips. His lips left yours and trailed down your neck, soft and slow. You moaned his name breathily and he brought his face back up to meet yours. "I'm sorry, you probably don't-" he began to say.
"Want to do this with you?" you finished his sentence. He nodded. You smiled and held his face in your hands. "I do. If you promise me one thing," you said.
"What's that?" he murmured.
"That this is real... that it'll last past tonight... you're not just using me..." That this is nothing like what I did to Dean, you subconsciously thought.
"I promise," he whispered, leaning into your hand and kissing it. "And if I break that promise you have every right to hunt me like the monsters we kill." He pressed his forehead to yours.
You pressed your lips to his and began to take Sam's shirt off when there was a knock on the door. Goddammit Dean. "I got it," you whispered. Sam quietly got off of you and moved out of sight while you answered the door. "Dean, I'm trying to sleep. It's been a long night," you told him gently.
"I know... and I know you must be pissed at me, and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," he said gruffly.
"You're right. I am pissed at you. Lido could've killed me from the inside back there and you didn't even seem to care. So no, I'm not going to accept your apology. I was trying to tell you that there would be another way, another chance. But all you could think about was finishing what you started. That's all you ever do. And that's why I didn't stick around three years ago. You don't seem to get that now, just like you didn't get it then. And I've tried to be civil about it, I've tried to help you and your brother out the way hunters help each other. But you don't ever seem to help me. You just help yourself. So please, Dean, unless you're going to be a part of the solution instead of the problem, don't apologize to me."
That seemed to hit a nerve in Dean. "I don't ever help you? I don't help you? So me saving your life from that vampire that stabbed you because you were too unobservant to realize you didn't kill them all wasn't helping? Giving you a place to stay while you healed? Making sure you got home safely when you went out and got drunk at a bar? Or what about when I got a call from Bobby just a couple weeks ago and found you sitting crying in a motel shower, and invited you into one of the only homes I ever had? None of that was to help you, that was all to help me, right?"
"You do not want me to go there, Dean," you said, trying to maintain your calmness.
"No, go there. By all means. Please, enlighten me, really." Dean's voice was almost a shout.
"You only did half of that shit because you wanted to sleep with me." You tried to speak in a low enough voice so that Sam wouldn't hear you.
But Dean ruined any hopes you had of keeping your secret with what he yelled next. "I didn't sleep with you because I wanted to take advantage of you, [Y/N]! I slept with you because I thought I was in love with you!"
It almost physically stung you to hear it. "Go. Just go. We'll talk about this later. Right now I need you to just go. Please," you said quietly before shutting the door and locking it.
Sam didn't speak up until he had heard Dean walk away. "So you slept with Dean?" he asked, much calmer than you thought he would've been.
"It was over three years ago. I was drunk, and really pissed. And I know I should've said something. So... I won't apologize because I know you don't want to hear it."
Sam nodded. "I get why you didn't say anything." Your face became confused. "You wanted to wait till the right time," Sam answered your unspoken question. "And while you were in bed with me wasn't a good time."
"That was what the demon was talking about back there. The thing that happened between me and Dean. It's... trying to figure out when and how to tell you had been killing me, Sam. I didn't want you to think any less of me..."
"[Y/N], I don't think any less of you. I promise you that. But... I think that this should stop until you can talk to Dean."
"Sam, please-"
"You two need to figure things out. Establish boundaries, come to an agreement about things. It's only fair."
You nodded sadly. "Okay," you croaked. Sam came over to kiss you one last time before he left you alone in your room.