How Could You

Peter

Sam pushed himself up onto his elbows, alert. "Wait, what? [Y/N], why would you let me do that? God, I'm so stupid!" Sam said.
You placed your hand on his cheek. "Sam... can we save this conversation for another time? You don't need to worry about me getting pregnant, okay? I just don't like talking about it." As soon as you told him, Sam knew. You couldn't have kids. Sam nodded sadly, and you knew he wanted to talk about it. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't say anything about protection at all, but I honestly just wasn't even thinking and I-"
Sam interrupted you. "It's okay. I just want you to know that whenever you're ready to talk about it with me, I'm here for you."
You nodded and wrapped your arms around Sam, pulling him against you in a tight hug. "I'm sorry," you whimpered into his neck.
"Shhh, it's okay," he murmured back to you, kissing your collarbone. "Let's take a shower and go to bed."
You nodded. "Can I stay in here with you?" you asked.
"Well, I didn't think you'd be sleeping by yourself," he teased.
You snickered and shoved his chest. "Okay, fine, stupid question," you said.
~~~
"So who do you guys want to send to Heaven?" you asked as the three of you stood in Kevin's safeboat. The second trial had been translated, and Dean had to deliver an innocent soul in Hell unto Heaven.
Dean and Sam looked at each other. "We already took Bobby. Everyone else we could would be impossible to get to. Dad, Adam..." Sam trailed off.
Dean spoke up, "It has to be someone I could find, some random sucker that sold their soul, someone they wouldn't expect me to pick up. I've already been there once, I have to be careful this time. For all we know, Crowley's got Hell on full lockdown."
"But how do we know they're innocent if they're just some random sucker that sold their soul?" Sam asked.
"[Y/N]," Kevin said.
You hadn't been paying much attention, and when you looked up, the boys were all staring at you. "What?" you asked.
"You've gotta know someone innocent downstairs," Kevin replied.
You froze, and a wave of memory crashed against you, making you collapse onto your knees. All you heard was ringing and you couldn't see what was going on around you, sunspots blocking your vision.
To Sam, Dean, and Kevin, you just kept mumbling, "Peter, Pete, P...Peter.... Peter, Pete..."
The men all rushed over to you, Sam crouching down on your level to hold you up. He looked up at Kevin. "Who's Peter?" he asked.
"Her son," Kevin murmured.
~~~
You held your two year old against your chest as you sat on the floor of your closet, hidden behind coats and piles of shoes and old holiday wrapping paper. But you were sure there was no hiding from this invisible monster, whatever the hell it was. Peter began to whimper. "Shhh, honey it's okay. Shhh," you whispered to him, running your fingers through his thin hair. You could hear the snarling outside, and the sound of an animal's footsteps ceased. You braced yourself, wrapping your arms tightly around Peter and squeezing your eyes shut. Then it all happened so quickly. The invisible monster busting through the door, ripping baby Peter from your grip and throwing him behind itself. When it had quieted you thought it had gotten what it wanted- until you felt it tear through your abdomen. You cried out in pain and lost all feeling below the belt. Right before blacking out, you heard Peter's screams until finally they faded away. The invisible monster had silenced him, and left you alone to die.
~~~
You woke up in your bed in the bunker. When you turned your head, you saw Dean sitting at your desk. "What happened?" you asked, catching his attention.
"[Y/N]... you... you had a panic attack... presumably from PTSD you developed after your son died," he told you.
Your heartbeat picked up. "How do you know about my son? Does Sam know?"
"You kept mumbling his name when you blacked out, [Y/N]," Dean said. "Kevin told us he was your son. He got a vision of what happened to you... [Y/N] I'm so sorry... I wish I had known..."
"Don't. We don't talk about it. Not now, not ever. Do you understand?" you said sternly, trying to purge the memory.
Dean nodded. "Okay. I'll go get Sam." He stood weakly and left, Sam returning in his place a few minutes later.
Sam stood near the doorway, daring not come any closer. It looked like he was about to cry, like he had lost a son too. "Was it Dean's?" he asked.
You paused. How dare he. "What?" you spat. "After what just happened... all you have to ask me is if he was Dean's?"
"Kevin couldn't tell us when it happened, only that it did," Sam replied. "Dean wants to know, too. I take it you didn't use protection with him, either." But as soon as he said it, he knew he fucked up.
"Fuck you, Sam!" you yelled. "I thought I could trust you! I fucking thought I was in love with you! And all you have to fucking say to me is some snapback about me sleeping with Dean three years ago when we were both drunk?!" By the end of your rant, tears were streaming down your face.
All of the guilt immediately hit Sam at once, and he ran to your bedside. "Baby, I-"
"Don't you 'baby' me! Get out!" you cried.
Sam gently placed a hand on your cheek. "I didn't mean it that way, love. Please, please don't cry," he murmured.
You swatted his hand away. "I said get out!" you screamed. You saw Sam's heart break. He recoiled, physically hurt. He slowly stood up and trudged out.
You cried for about another twenty minutes before you heard a knock on the doorframe and Dean came in. "He wasn't mine," he said as he sat on the bed next to you. "He happened long before I came along, didn't he?" Dean looked over at you and brushed your hair out of your face.
You turned your head to face him and nodded. "I had him when I was 21. The Hellhound came for us when I was 23. I met you when I was 25. My uterus was too damaged for even the angel that found me to heal. At least, mostly. That's why I don't have any scars. And it's why I can't have kids."
Dean nodded. After a few minutes of silence, he said, "I'll save Peter."
You leaned over and kissed Dean, placing your hand on the nape of his neck. Every single one of Dean's instincts told him not to kiss you back, but he couldn't help himself. He wrapped his arm around your waist and rolled on top of you, grinding himself against you. You felt his hard dick pressing into you through your clothes, and god it felt good. But not as good as Sam. You pushed Dean off of you. "I can't, Dean. Not again. I can't do this to you and I can't do this to Sam. He may have pissed me off like hell just now, but I... I still don't want to lose him. And I can't keep giving you these signals that I want you when I don't. Not the way I want Sam." You got up out of bed and jogged to Sam's room, leaving Dean frustrated and self-loathing in your bed. He hated himself for being attracted to you the way he was.
You banged on Sam's door. "Sam, it's me," you said. You didn't even have to ask him to open up, as you'd anticipated. The door immediately opened and you threw yourself into Sam's arms. "I'm sorry," you whined into his neck. "I love you. I love you even though you have royally pissed me off, I love you," you rambled. "The hellhound attacked us two years before I ever even met Dean, and it's why I can't have kids, okay? That's everything, I swear. I just want you and only you and I'll never ever give you any more reasons to think otherwise."
Sam hesitantly hugged you back. "It's okay. I messed up and I said some things I shouldn't have said." You looked up at him and saw his worrisome eyes. "I'm in love with you," he said. "And I'm not letting you go just because I said some stupid shit when I let my brother get into my head...."
You knew there was a but coming. "But?" you asked.
Sam sighed. "But I think it's best that you stay away from here. At least until Dean is done with the trials. I don't think you should be around both of us, not with this kind of shit going on. It's just too much. Go hunt something, stay with Kevin, anything. Just don't be here. Don't watch Dean kill himself. Don't watch me fall apart. I want you, all to myself, no distractions. The only way that can be is when this is all over."
"Sam, please don't push me away like this..." you argued. "I'm a hunter too, I can handle this. I've been doing this shit almost as long as you. And I'm not leaving."
"[Y/N], I'm not letting you stay," he said firmly. "Please don't argue with me."
And after six hours of arguing about it, and you not caving in one bit, Sam and Dean had called for the help of an angel friend, Castiel. You'd heard things about him, and briefly encountered him at the bunker from time to time, but weren't very acquainted with him. All it took for him to sedate you while the Winchesters packed your belongings was two fingers to the forehead and you were out.
The next thing you knew, you were in a brand new house in a brand new neighborhood. Thank god you hadn't lost your memories of the brothers- you knew what angels were capable of with just a tap on the head. You sat up on a couch in the living room of the house, and turned your head to see Castiel watching over you. "So I'm just trapped here now until Sam comes to get me, is that it?" you spat.
"This is more for Sam and Dean's sakes, than yours, [Y/N]. Don't take it personal. This is something that they must do on their own. They don't want any risk of distraction ruining their chance at closing the gates of Hell," Castiel told you in that gravelly voice of his.
You suddenly realized that none of this had to do with how stubborn you were or how much you wanted to help. You had come into their lives at a bad time. Although the Winchesters wanted to help you and take care of you, they really didn't have the time or attention or proper safety net. "So are you going to be babysitting me for the next few weeks?" you asked, submitting to the fact that you couldn't go back to them.
"No need. I've erased the location of the bunker from your memory and engraved enochian symbols into your rib cage to hide you from any angel, demon, or witch that may come looking for you. So don't go looking for trouble," Castiel said.
"So no hunting?" you asked.
"Hunt anything you want other than the supernatural beings I've just mentioned. Don't call Sam or Dean."
You nodded and bit your tongue in your mouth. "Okay Castiel."