Falling for You // Matt Healy

Undo

"Twist around the lounge
Sun drowns the house
Stick another pill in my head and go to bed
We're not doing it again so leave it"

"I want to see you but you're not mine."

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TRIGGER WARNING
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

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Matty's POV

I awoke the next morning and stretched.

Jackie laid naked next to me and I recalled the previous night's events.

I got out of bed, pulling on some boxers and collecting Jackie's clothes and setting them on the dresser.

I walked over to he and shook her awake. She yawned and stretched and smiled up at me.

"Good morning-"

"You should leave."

She looked confused but sat up in the bed. I looked away from her naked chest and tossed her the clothes off the dresser.

"Last night was fun, Matty. I had a great time, didn't you?"

"This can't happen again- just leave it."

"It's that girl isn't it?"

"What?" I looked back over to her and luckily she had clothes on.

"I see the way you look at her..."
I'm just a stupid girl aren't I?"

I sat down on the bed and ran a hand through my messy hair.

"No. Someday you'll find a guy who thinks you're amazing. I'm... just not that guy. But thank you for last night."

"Bye, Matty," she said as she exited the room. A few moments later I heard the front door shut.

I walked into the kitchen grabbing the anti-depressant medication I was put on about two months before due to the emotional state of my mind.

I scowled at the small purple pills.
I'd put myself in this rut but I didn't know the walls would be slippery with no handholds, preventing me from climbing out.

I swallowed the pills and went back in my room, closing the blinds to stop any sunlight from entering.

"What did you do to yourself, Matty?"

Fiel's POV

I woke up at around two o'clock but my head still hurt.
I probably had a concussion due to how hard Ben had hit me but I was not about to go into the ER and have to explain any of this mess.

I considered calling Brixton but I knew she would tell me what she always told me when Ben and I got in a fight. Ben had been violent and threatening towards me but this was the first time he'd taken physical action on me. Usually it was a broken vase or phone and then make-up sex for him.

I didn't need her to tell me that he was a bad boyfriend, or that I should call the police, or that I should break up with him.

He was all I had.

What had my life become?

The past years of my life haunted me and the memories would never leave. I could never escape the pain I was feeling.

There was one way.
I tried to shake my head and get the rancid thought to leave but it wouldn't.

By now tears were streaming down my face as I made my to the kitchen cabinet.

I promised myself I would never do this again but really it was okay.

I hadn't been happy for awhile.
And it didn't seem like happiness was coming anytime soon.

I took the bottles of painkillers and my anxiety medication.

My chest felt locked up and I couldn't breathe. I had ugly sobs coming out of my mouth as I took the first handful of pills.

My head pounded and felt like it would explode.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to no one in particular.

"Soon. I'll be happy soon."
The second handful of pills entered my mouth.

"One more."

One more and you're set free, Fi.

"Three."

I don't remember what happened after that but I somehow made it to my room before collapsing in front of my bed.
I faintly remember my phone buzzing incessantly but at this point I was too weak to answer the phone.

"Free..." I tried to whisper but my mouth felt heavy.

Then everything went black.

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This chapter is dedicated to @cssjess because she always comments and I want to thank her for that! <3