a unexpected stop in flavor town

porchetta you won't forgetta

i know what you all are thinking, how did you just run into guy fieri?

i didnt.

i was planning this day ever since i was a child. he made my dreams wet and my body fat. 

i never had a father. every time i would see him on tv my mother would beat me senseless and would point to the screen and tell me that was daddy. so since then, i have been plotting to see daddy. 

i would have done anything to see daddy. i didnt cover my room in photos of him for nothing. i didnt eat every meal that he ate for nothing. i didnt frost my pubic hair nothing.