Catching waves

Wondering

Sobrang saya ko. Finally! Last day of exams and I'm gonna graduate. Well ofcourse, I anticipated it already dahil alam kong hindi nako ibabagsak ng profs ko. I'm feeling happy and nuts until I received a call.

"Oh hi babe! I'm done with my exams. You should be proud of me, I finished it for just an hour. Mani lang eh" Yun agad ang bungad ko. Hindi ko na kailangan pang i-check yung numero dahil alam ko kung sino ang nasa kabilang linya.

All I heard was noise at the background. "Huy? Sobrang proud mo sakin di kana nag-salita!" I was waiting for a response. But I didn't get any. Until the line got disconnected. "Ugh same old, he's being weird again" I thought to myself.

Nag-aya ng kumain ang mga classmates ko before "we part ways" daw. So I busied my self eating, I didn't realize that there's 30 missed calls waiting for me. Hindi ko pala na-tanggal sa pagka-silent ang phone ko since nag-exam nga ako kanina.

I checked the names of all those who tried to call me. As I'm about to dial James' number, bigla namang tumawag ang pinsan ko. "Centre's Medical Center, ASAP. We'll wait you" and dropped the call. I was like "WHAT THE HELL, prank call ba 'to?" Pero syempre, nag-alala parin ako.

As I was waiting for my Uber driver, I tried to call my cousin, but she's not answering. I also tried calling James, to tell him that I'm on the way to Centre's pero Nag-ring lang 'yung numero nya. I sent him a text message instead.

Pag dating ko ng Centre's, nakita ko agad ang pinsan ko. Seems like she's really waiting for me. She hugged me tight. Tight na halos di na ako makahinga. It felt weird pero I just hugged her back kasi baka may nangyaring masama kay Tita pero huwag naman sana.

"Aica, ano bang nangyayari?" she's sobbing now. Dun na ako simulang mag-alala. "Sino ba pinunta natin dito? Si tita ba? Inatake nanaman?" Pero iyak lang ang naisagot nya sakin. I can sense something but I'm still in denial. Hindi ko pa kayang harapin.

Until I saw James parents.

Crying.

"Bakit?"

"Hindi ko naiintindihan, Aics" Kasi kahit may alam na 'ko, ayaw ko parin intindihin.

"Si James kasi, Eli" sambit ni Aica. James. James. His name is the last thing I want to hear right now.

"Ano meron kay James?" Pabulong kong sagot sakanya. Hanggang sa nagdilim na ang paningin ko. Pinipilit kong dumilat at pakinggan si Aica pero wala hindi ko na talaga kayang dumilat pa.

I woke up in white room. Sobrang sakit sa mata ng liwanag but I have to push myself to wake up. I passed out earlier, marahil dahil wala akong halos tulog because of my exams. I saw my friends, it felt weird. Bakit sila ang nandito? Anong meron? Buhay pa naman ako, pero bakit pakiramdam ko namatay ako? Nasan ba ang fiancee ko? Bakit wala sya dito?

As I was searching the room I remembered the last conversation I had with my cousin. "Aica, nasan si James?"

"Magpahinga ka muna" sagot ni Aica. Nakakapag-taka na. "No I need to see him. Alam nya bang nandito ako sa hospital? Hindi pa ba sya pumunta? Anong oras naba? Matagal ba akong nakatulog? Umuwi na ba sya?" Marami pa sana akong tanong. Pero niyakap nya lang ako. I don't want this feeling.

Hindi ko naiintindihan. Bakit parang ang emosyonal ng mundo ngayon? May period ba sila?

"Kaya mo bang tumayo? Tara, may pupuntahan tayo" biglang naputol ang mga hinaing ko sa isip.

Pag labas ng kwarto... nakita ko na sila.

My parents.

James' parents.

My friends.

His friends.

"May reunion po ba?" I tried to crack a joke pero they all responded with a sad smile. And i don't want that sad smile.

"He's just waiting for you, Eli" yun lang ang naging sagot ng Mommy ni James.

"Sorry, pero hindi ko po kayo naiintindihan" pero sa totoo lang, di naman ako bobo kaya nagegets ko na. Kung bakit sila umiiyak. Kung bakit sila nasa ospital. In-denial lang ako. Di lang kaya i-proseso ng utak at puso ko.

Alam ko kasing di ko matatanggap.

Hindi ko pa kaya.

Dapat handa na ako.

Kaso itinago ko lang sa dulo ng puso ko.

Hindi ko kayang harapin.

Paano ba?

Kakayanin ko ba?