Different | xxxtentacion

Pain

Warning- some drug use in this chapter.

Jahseh

The weed stopped working. I stopped the heroin for a while but now I've started back up again. Scarlet is the only name going through my mind everyday.

She made me this way. She caused this pain I have deep in my chest. I shed tears missing her. I take the drugs to stop the pain.

I miss the feeling of comfort and love when she was around, for the first time in a while I felt happy when she was there.

Now she's gone I feel nothing. No happiness or comfort just pure depression I can't control. My thoughts have gotten worse.

If Tyler hurts her I think the unimaginable thing to do to him. He doesn't even have to touch her. Even mentally hurting her has me wanting to kill him.

I can't do this, I'm on parole. With all these drugs I'm doing I'll go back to the jail for life. I can't go back, I can't leave Scarlet.

I grabbed another nettle filled with heroin sticking it in my arm. I rolled my eyes to the back of my head feeling it flow through my body.

My vision soon becomes dizzy and blurry. I lay down on the couch seeing the ceiling turn in a circle. I soon close my eyes but never open them back up.

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" Ay Jah wake up. Shit, you better not be dead." I opened my eyes to see Ski staring down me.

I sat up leaning down covering my face from the light coming from the blinds.

" Nigga, you haven't talked to me in about a week. What the hell is wrong with you." Sitting up I see he wasn't the only one with me. He brought Kia with him as well.

" What the hell us she doing here." I said standing up and closing the blinds. The light got me feelin' like a damn vampire.

" This my girl that's why. Now get up. I see your doing meth, what the fuck is wrong with you. Your gonna kill yourself, over some girl!"

Ski said sitting down next to me.

" Scarlet is not just a girl, she's the one I love. Why can't you understand that. She's the one ski."

He was about to say something till Kia got into it.

" Ski let me handle this. Have you talked to Scarlet at all since she got back with Tyler."

I swear I hate hearing his name.

" Hell no. She don't want me anymore."

" Jahseh, trust me. She still wants you, she just being stupid right now. I told her I won't talk to her till she starts using her damn mind. Doing drugs is not helping this either" Kia explained to me.

" It's the only thing helping me right now." I was about to shoot up again till Kia took the  needle out of my hand.

" Jahseh! Stop this now! This is suicide, if you die what good does it do for you or any of us. Think about it, the things y'all did, she wants you. She's just hiding it because of the 'love' she has for Tyler. She will come around.

Now if she doesn't. If you truly love her, you would go get her. Now me and ski are staying to me make sure you don't hurt yourself. "

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With Kia and ski downstairs, I went upstairs to get a chance to lay down. Kia's annoying ass wouldn't let me lay down for nothing, talkin' about I need to get off my ass and stop being lazy.

I swear she acts just like my momma. I only need one, not 2.

While laying down and watching tv, I was suddenly reminded of the dream I had the other night.

Actually it was less than a dream, more close to a nightmare to me.

I found myself outside Scarlet's house, just staring up at her room. The blinds were closed but I could see her silhouette.

I walked up to her door turning the knob, it was unlocked. Walking into the house everything around me was a blur.

The stairs were the only thing in focus. I walked up them to only see scarlets bedroom door in view. Everything else was also a blur.

I couldn't hear anything behind, I just opened it.

The only thing in focus was Scarlet and Tyler, laying in bed. I then heard screaming, it was me.

I screamed continuously as Tyler ran his hands along scarlets thighs. They started to undress each other.

They fucked as I screamed my head off wanting them to stop, it was like they couldn't hear me.

All I remember next is me waking up with tears streaming down my face. I didn't fall asleep for the rest of the night. I just sat there replaying the images in my head.

I thought after a few hours I would forget the dream completely, I didn't. Every time I closed my eyes to sleep it came back up. The same picture, Scarlet and Tyler in bed.

The moans she made really had me on edge. It gave me the urge to wanna break something. I glance at the comer of the room.

Out of rage I threw my lamp into the wall, I regret the hell out of it. I shouldn't have reacted like that but I did out of the love I have for scarlet.

I hope that soon she realizes it before it's too late. We've been separated for so long I'm staring to feel like she just pulled me to the side.

Like she will only come back to me if everything goes wrong with her relationship with Tyler. I would love that to happen but the only reason I want her to come back to me is because she finally realized she need me.

And her leaving me was a mistake.

One thing I will promise. To scarlet and everyone who cares about her.

If this nigga Tyler even lays  a finger on her. On my fucking life, I will kill him. It won't be quick, I will make him suffer.

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I will try and update more consecutively

I just get so easily distracted

Thank you to everyone that's reading my book, I highly appreciate it. 😊