Messages on a Coffee Cup

Chapter 22

  My heart sank to my stomach and I tried to contain my emotions letting two or three tears hit Ethan's shoulder. She wasn't dead, she couldn't have been. I had literally talked to her twelve hours ago, her voice was filled with life and happiness. She was just starting to recover from my dad. She wasn't gone.

   "Is this some kind of joke? Do you guys really think this is funny?"

   No one responded and Ethan's grip on me tightened as I saw Kimberly begin to sob, Cameron comforting her as she heaves, tears flowing from her eyes like Niagara Falls. The sheriff nodded, confirming my worst fears.

   "She's gone, kiddo. Got T-Boned by a sixteen wheeler on the 407. I'm sorry. I should go," he said, returning to his police cruiser and exiting Kim's parking lot.

   Then it hit me; I was basically an orphan. My mom was dead, like cold as ice, blue faced dead. My dad was completely out of

my life forever. I couldn't hold it back any longer. Finally, I let my eyes well up with tears and fell to the ground on my knees.

   "No," I shrieked in long sobs.

   "No!"

   Ethan tried to pick me up but I shoved him away, horrified with the thought of seeing my mother in a casket, lifeless and pale. 

   "Holland."

   "Leave me alone," I cried out desperately.

   "Holland,"

   "I said leave me alone!"

   Fed up with his attempts, I swatted him off of me and punched him right in the jaw sending him flying off of his crutches and onto the floor. He just sat there and stared at me clutching his jaw in horror of what I had just done to him. My fear had taken over and I had pushed him away from me. Just when things had gotten to be almost perfect, some messed up shit had to happen and ruin it. 

   "Oh my God! Ethan I'm sorry!"

   He turned around and I saw the mark on his face where my injured hand had connected with his jawbone. He stared at me in despair and let out a single tear before getting himself up and limping angrily out of the house. At this point, my sobbing turned into absolute balling.

   "Ethan please! Don't leave! Please!"

   Kimberly and Cameron had the same look of terror on their faces and they walked out of the house following Ethan.  

   I was all alone. Everyone hated me. I abused the only person I've ever loved who was also previously abused by his parents. I couldn't handle this gut wrenching feeling anymore; the feeling of isolation and loss mixed with about ten thousand kilograms of pure hate. I would never be able to see her again, he would never forgive me, hell, I would never forgive myself; what was the point of living anymore? My dad was an abusive little asshat; where would I go?

   After about two hours, all of these thoughts squeezed more and more crying and frustrated screams out of me until I ran out of tears to cry and energy to yell. I just lied there -eyes puffy, mascara running- with a blank look on my face, staring at the ceiling. My body was sore from heaving and screaming, my eyes almost closed from the tears, and I allowed my brain to shut down, releasing myself from further agony and pain. The unconscious world awaited my arrival and I graciously accepted its invitation into the darkness of the prodigious abyss known as my mind.