Flawless

Flawless [9]

 Through the noise of the band and crowd in their response, I found I had to shout quite loud to tell Archer and Poet that I was just going to the bathroom. I pushed my way through the crowd towards the door at the front of the bar. I was surprised to how many people from out school have turned out. And from the quality of the music that Luka’s band was producing it seemed like everyone else was getting into it.

I admit, they were actually good, and I was surprised. But if he started selling music on iTunes I would actually purchase it.

On my way out the door I crashed through a small crowd of seniors that were waiting to get in. The night air was cold, and moisture hung in the air, a couple of the senior boys whooped, and whistled and some shouted in appropriate comments that made me feel like an object.

“Delta!” Ryan ad caught up with me by then, she grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, he dropped his hand my shoulder and stuffed it in the pocket of his jeans. “What’s going on?” he questioned. I folded my arms in front of myself and rocked back and forth on my feet. “Let’s talk about this.” He asked, I could tell that he was genuine, but then again so was the evidence in his phones with felt lick a brink in my tiny shoulder bag.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I said, my eyes briefly travelling from his face to the senior boys who were continuing to wolf whistle on their way inside the bar. Then finally my eyes landed back on Ryan whose expression was falling, I let out a long breath and saw it crystalized before me. “It’s over,” I said, and I felt, that with those words I was finally free.

“So… that’s it your just going to dump me?”

It sounded horrible; the way he made it out to sound was like I took him out like the weekly garbage collection. But then it made such sense that’s what the term was meant to relate back too. I did feel awful, but then I remember why I was doing it.

“I have my reasons.” I said meekly,

“Go on then!” Ryan’s hand came out of his pockets and stretched out in front of him in gesture for me to lay out my reasons for ‘dumping’ him.

“Hey, don’t act like you haven’t done anything.”

“Okay.” He said, as he bought his hands together in front of him, palms pressed together as if he was about to pray. “Look I know that I haven’t been the best boyfriend lately, but I’m willing to change, I want to make you happy. I will wait, for as long as you need.”

I shook my head slowly “Well, clearly you won’t.” I said

“What do you mean?” He asked, a clear quizzical look crossing his face.

“Do you really think I’m that dumb,” I was almost insulted that he thought he could play dumb, and get away with it. “I know what you did.” I said blankly. “Charmaine.”

I still didn’t get the response that I knew I deserved; a falling to the knees with begging to forgive him was what I had in mind. But instead he continued to act nonchalant. “What?!” he demanded after a minute without me saying anything but just staring at him shocked, angered and perplexed.

“I can’t believe I could be that stupid.” I was angry at myself; if anything I was the one to blame for going out with him in the first place. I always see the good in people even if it’s buried under a huge pile of shit.

I noticed for the first time that we were alone in the street, no one was around in fact the bouncer had even gone inside. It was almost subtlety ironic that we were finally getting some peace and quiet to just talk. I felt like for the last couple of weeks I haven’t been able to talk to him about real things. Just sex and that wasn’t a topic I was fond of.