Dear Ethan,
we went out for dinner tonight. You made me smile and it breaks my heart so much. Why'd you have to hurt me so much if you could make me this happy? You saw that I still had fresh cuts on my wrists and your smile faded.
I think I saw a tear fall down your face, but you wiped it away and sighed. You are sleeping on the couch next to my bed, right now while I'm writing this. Why do you have to be so nice and caring ? Are you scared that I might cut again ?