Secrets

Plot Twists

Have you ever had a secret all to your self? Well, I have. It's one of those big secrets. Not one that you can just pass on as gossip in the school hallways. Or one that can be casually thrown into mid conversation. No, this is a secret that I'm scared of. Honestly? I am scared. I mean I'm sure you would be too if you were writing all this down. Essentially this is just a way to talk to your self with out feeling the endless pits of loneliness eat the rest of your broken soul. But I AM lonely. Don't get me wrong, I have friends. I have a family. But I can't tell them this secret.

I had a great childhood, I specifically remember going camping this one summer. It was a tradition, you know? My brother would complain about missing his girlfriend, my mum would complain about the lack of showers, my dad would complain about the weather, and I would complain about the wifi. But we would have a fire going by sunset and be eating marshmallows, my dad would bring out his guitar and we would sing along to barely recognisable songs. It was always calm and real. It felt like life was okay.

Then came high school. Don't worry, this isn't your typical nerdy kid being beaten up by the school jock then defeating him by her secret good looks. My looks are not good and that is no secret. I did enjoy school though, I like learning. What I don't like is early mornings, homework, exams, bullies, horrible teachers etc. You get the basic idea. But I was always a good kid, my homework was always on time, I revised, put my hand up before talking, you probably think you have me all figured out, right? Well, so did everyone else. But everybody else can be wrong.

My friends don't see it, I feel like screaming at them sometimes. I'm not sure why they haven't worked it out yet, but I guess that's because it screams at me inside my head. No one else can hear that. So life moves one. But I'm not so convinced mine does. I'm standing alone as time travels forward but I'm left behind. It's pitch black in here, and I don't like it one bit. No one would. Not if you were here, because the worst happens at night, always night. They really get me then, and I cry, I cry and cry and cry. And then I scream angrily into my pillow because it's pathetic. I'm pathetic. People have worse problems than me. But because this is my life, my problem is the one that most effects me, therefor it makes it the most important problem in my own brain. Which, by the way, is why we haven't got extinction, or poverty, or climate change, or child trafficking, racism or even rape under control yet. Because none of these problems are faced by the people in charge, making it a side problem. Anyway, politics is a completely different topic.

Have you ever heard the term 'it just ate me up inside'? I didn't really understand that phrase, but now that I have something that eats me up inside, I of course understand. It's not a nice feeling, your stomach gets all weird. It makes you sweat and fidget, it makes your brain do overdrive. I also feel that inside me is some contraption that pushes my secret up my throat, because I come close to telling people. So close that it is terrifying. I in visage the scenario, but the words don't come. They fly far away. And I wish I could too. I would fly far, far away. Until you looked like a spec of dust to me. I would fly higher and higher until I could only see the clouds and the sky. I would soar gracefully and presuming I'm a bird because I have wings, I would join other birds and my problems would soon become non existent. I might let one tear slide down my face as someone who truly loved me waved up at me. I would not wave back though, I would simply just go. It would maybe stop the never ending pain of knowing this secret. Because it is never ending. It never stops completely, because everything reminds me. Everything. Like that book, just there. Well, the cover has an accurate representation of the book, but the plot twist is not featured. That is a reflection of my life, know one knows the plot twist, you have to read the book, and I honestly don't think anyone wants to.