〰 Therapist - R.S.L 〰

Chapter 16 〰 Emotional

Lia's POV

That kiss.
His hold on my waist as his lips moved with me...his arms bringing me close to his body...it all replayed over and over again as I sat with my orbs wide open at the window ahead of me.

The alarm ticks growing goosebumps on my skin...my body trembling under the sheets.

I wasn't even sure whether I was asleep or not. Was it a dream? Am I really awake thinking about all of this right now? Two in the morning with my crush's kiss playing over and over again inside my head?

I had been awaiting tonight for a very long time, and it all came crashing down.

I didn't know what was wrong with me...did I not want that kiss? Was it that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't a very great kisser?

I had accepted the fact that my kiss with Dr. Lynch was nothing but a way to train my "virgin lips", but I can never forget his lips on mine.

Ross' kiss was magical...I didn't know if it was the fact that he was a 24 year old man or if it was just his perfectly kissable lips...

My expectations grew way too high after my kiss with Ross that Jackson's lips on mine felt ordinary.

Comparing my therapist's kiss to my boyfriend's kiss was like comparing diamonds to rocks.

It wasn't the way Jackson's lips were, no...I knew Jackson was a really great kisser. But the feelings erupting from Ross were lavas exiting a volcano, fire igniting from a shooting star, thunder roaring and lightning spreading through the sky, heavy rain in a dessert.

Jackson's emotions were nothing but a breeze of warm air. Nothing more, nothing less.

I didn't feel secure with him, I felt shy and overwhelmed I'd do any mistakes or cause him trouble.

My lips went numb when he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes..as if my mind wasn't even relying on my heart anymore and I immediately blurred out a yes.

I was supposed to be happy, to call Ross and tell him about all of this, but all I felt was afraid, cold and in pain.

Pain....pain was all I felt as my eyes tear independently on my pillow. I felt lost on why exactly I was crying, all I knew was that I needed help. I needed somebody right now. Anybody.

I was oppressed over myself, crying over my state.

Having the same old words repeat inside my consciousness again.

All it said was that I was a mistake.

All my mind did was quickly shift problems in a matter of seconds...

I was a mistake brought into this life. Even my own mother didn't want me, I shouldn't expect anybody else to do so.

Neither Dr. Lynch, nor Jackson. Even my father..I was nothing but a heavy weight on top his head.

My mouth let out a sob as I tightened my hold on the duvet, squeezing my eyes shut.

I didn't want to open my eyes again. I wanted my orbs shut forever. I wanted my soul out of my body...but I also wanted to face my own problems and it was way too hard.

I opened my tearing eyes regretting my existence as I sighted the figure in front of me.

I saw her. I saw the woman whom gave birth to me but never accepted me as a daughter.