If I Get Mistaken for Scottish Again- / Rant Book

one ✖ gender in general

please do not read if you are sensitive to mentions of self-harm or suicide.

So today I was on this lovely website reading an author whom I otherwise respect greatly's thoughts on gender.

If you haven't got it, I disagree on a major level.

Here are MY thoughts on gender. If you disagree with me we can either discuss this politely or you can leave.

First things first, I am not cisgender, cisgender being identifying with your assigned birth gender. Nor am I heterosexual. I am an asexual homodemiromantic being, which means (AT THE MOMENT) I do not feel sexual attraction towards anybody and I feel romantic attraction to certain females that I form a bond with first.

I am perfectly okay with whatever gender you do or don't identify as within reason.

Demigender, genderfluid/flux, transgender or agender for example, fine. No problem.

"Stargender", "Clovergender", "Egogender", "Autogender", bullshit like that, fuck off. You give us actually nonbinary people a bad name.

I think it's very important that anyone should be able to question their gender, identify as nonbinary or trans, ask to use they/he/she/xe/ve pronouns or whatever the hell they want.

My good friend StormscarRC 's mum, I believe once said "why do you need so many words to describe your gender?"

My answer is easy: we have lots of ways of describing our genders. Some do overlap, but it's important that we all have a label (or not, if that's your thing) that tells us that we are real and valid and not wrong, that we have a place within this otherwise heteronormative and cisgendered society, that makes us MOST IMPORTANTLY feel good and comfortable in our skin.

Some people don't need or want labels which is fine, but others do. Others want a label to feel validated and comfortable and to be themselves and to be happy.

Adults may say "kids didn't have this much choice in my day", but there's missing a primary point here: gender is not a choice. Think of all the trans brothers and sisters and nonbinary siblings we have lost because of people being close-minded and not helping them, loving and supporting them as they deserved. That doesn't sound like a choice to me.

People crave validation from others. They just do. It's a human thing. Labels and support from others are two of the best validators (not a word lol) one can ever find. When they don't have at least one of those things they begin to cave in on themselves. They think they are bad or wrong or they're not real and maybe just kidding themselves. So when they have a label to describe themselves or perhaps a friend to help them find one, it is a weight lifted off your chest. You belong, you fit in. There is a place for you.

I didn't choose to not be a girl. I didn't choose to not be a boy either. I didn't  choose to not know into which box I fit. I didn't choose to some days like to plait my hair and paint my nails and others become so annoyed with my hair and my chest I want to cut it all off or bind it. I didn't choose to wince every time my birth name is called or when I'm referred to as "she".

I didn't choose to be told to my face that I shouldn't and don't exist by my brother who I love and have lost respect for because of that opinion.

So kids today don't "have choices". If you mean the labels we choose to identify our genders, then yes, we have a lot that we didn't twenty, thirty, forty years ago. A lot has changed in that time though.

Society has got a long way to go, but it is growing and changing and becoming more accepting of nonbinary genders so you have to give people credit for that, at least.

Gender is between your ears, not your legs. There are people that need to realise that. "How can you not be male or female?" people ask. Well, be me. Be a good few people I know. Be all of my noncisgendered siblings. Feel you don't fit in the body you were born with, but not the opposite sex's body either.

The other thing I hear is "it's ridiculous. These kids are slicing their arms open and crying because they can't figure out what nonexistent box they fit into."

No, people like those kids are crying and slicing their arms open because they don't have the validation they need to feel loved and happy and okay because people like the dumbfucks who say that exist.

Alright, August out.

This is my opinion and you don't have to agree, but I just ask that you either discuss it politely with me or someone else in the comments or wherever or keep it to yourself.

See you next time, gals, guys and otherwise.