Stay Alive ~ Joshler Fanfiction

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I've never been afraid of dying...its more like I'm afraid of living. Terrified even! Terrified of what's around the corner.

I lay on the ground, facing the TV. This is where I sleep and spend the majority of my time, in our downstairs living room. I do not dare to go upstairs for I avoid confronting the empty side of my bed but for some reason...my depression always drags me back despite the memories of what my father did to me.

"Tyler, honey, dinner is ready. Help yourself to some fruit of you like as well" I heard as my mum peered her head around the door. I'm not hungry but I can't let myself starve again. I make my way to the kitchen and grab my plate, after that I proceed to sit up to the table.

I poke at the food with my fork as I feel my mothers eyes watch me. "Is something bothering you?" She asked as I could still feel her eyes stabbing into me. I hesitate a tad before shaking my head. "Okay..." She said, concerned "don't forget you have an appointment tomorrow and I can't take you because of work. I will leave some money for you so you can take a taxi." I smile in response as I shove a few crisps into my mouth. It wasn't a real smile..it was convincing enough though. It was one of those smiles somebody gives you when they don't know what to say back except, I knew what to say, I just chose not to.

I finish my lunch and place my plate on a pile of dishes, ready to be washed. "H-hey mum?" I walk towards her.

"Yes sweetie" she smiles...hers was real. I wish I could smile as beautifully as my mother. I got my mouth from my father. Ugly. Cold. Dead. "Can I...maybe go out for a bit? J-just to the park!?" I nervously ask, looking down to the floor and fidgeting my feet. "Fine" she sighs "be back at 6pm the latest"

I hug her and head out the front door, putting on my jacket and shoes. As I walk through the street, I feel strangers staring at me. I've been told they aren't real but I still believe they are. The grey path guides me through the isles of black trees. "The sky looks very...white today. Like everything else" I thought to myself. I want to know what it is like to see colour and to be happy.

Out of complete no where, the hollow auditorium of my chest swoons with echoes of a heartbeat. Everything seems...brighter? Does this mean, the one is near? I look at the number on my wrist "2 minutes, 26 seconds" I haven't looked at this countdown since it said 5 years! Am I really going to meet him? I sit down on the bench that is surrounded by roses and a mysterious plant, no one in the neighborhood knows what it is but its beautiful.

I look back at my wrist "10 seconds" w-what has it been 2 minutes already? "9 seconds, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4" PING! My phone goes off...great it's my mum. "Check your wrist!" The text says. "1second" I take a deep breath and look up...a r-rainbow? I've only dreamed about what colours would look like but I never imagined them to be so beautiful.

I hear footsteps and what sounds like a flower being picked coming from in front of my so I look down again. "Hey beautiful" he says, handing me a rose. I feel tears begin to well up in my eyes.

His soft yellow hair lit up in the setting sun like a ray of light that brightened the surrounding area. His lips were a pale pink that reminded me of a rose bud. But the thing I saw first were his eyes... His eyes were a hickory as rich as the earths soil. The were stained with the colour of hot chocolate on a cold, winter night that wraps you up like a blanket; engulfs you in its warmth and makes you feel at home.

Those deep pods of dark-cinnamon swirls seized the depth and heaviness of one thousand untold stories which imprisoned the sweetness of saccharine chocolate and the bitterness of strong coffee.

"H-hey...my name's Tyler. You must be...?" I spoke, my voice practically breaking of how nervous I was. "Haha, I know who you are. My name is Josh, I'm here to inform you that this is your true love" he said joyfully whilst pointing to an old lady walking her dog. "B-but I'm gay?" I spoke again...this must be some kind of joke, I love Josh. "Yeah, I know I'm just kidding with you....babe" he said, grinning like a goofball and gently hitting my arm. I laughed...wow, a real laugh? From me? He sat beside me and wrapped his arm around my waist. We watched the sunset together. I checked my phone. Oh shoot it was half five.

I opened my mums contact and wrote "hey mum...can I stay the night at someone's house" I waited nervously and held my phone in my left hand still leaning against Josh. PING! "ohhh, is that your new girlfriends house. Sure, sure. Just make sure you get to your appointment tomorrow" I could feel her smile in the text. Her heart is so warm and nice. "Boyfriend, actually. His name is Josh." I thought my mum knew I was gay.

I felt Josh's hand stroke through my hair. It so relaxing but also was beginning to get cold. Again, I heard another PING but this time it made Josh jump. We both began to laugh like idiots as I read the message "I know your gay, I was joking. You gotta tell me about him tomorrow okay?" I replied with a yes and two kisses before texing her goodbye and turning my attention to Josh.

"So Josh, tell me about yourself." I smiled at him. I still can't believe how lucky I truly am. "Well, ya see Tyler, honey, I would but it's getting really cold. Let's to back to my place and if you want, you can sleep over." I nod in agreement as we both get up and he grabs my hand.

We both walk back to his house which isn't the far from mine, just 5 houses away. We get a lot of funny looks and name calling like "faggot" but we don't care. I'm just happy to be holding hands with this handsome dork.

As soon as we reach the door, he holds to open for me. "M'lady" he giggles as I pretend to curtsey and walk through the door, blowing him a kiss. He catches it then walks into the house. He closes the door behind him and we both slump down on his sofa.