“This is delicious Mrs. B, thank you!” I chirped, trying to eat the food in the most civilised way possible when all I wanted to do was shove my face into my plate.
“You’re welcome love, and how many times do I have to tell you to call me Mamrie?! You’re part of the family now!” She grinned and we returned to our food.
“So when did you last talk to Beth? We got a letter in the last mail round, and she was off on some exercise, but we haven’t got any phone calls or anything since then.” Mr Bremworth said inquisitively. It was strange being here by myself; without Beth. It hadn’t been like this for so long that I’d forgotten the feeling.
“Same here; Last mail round I got a letter and some pictures, but she said she was out in the field for a month or so.” I said simply. Not letting my guard down, not letting them see the angst I went through every single day worrying about her. You’d think they’d be one of the few people that I’d open up to; they go through the same ordeal every day, they understand. But I don’t. It’s easier to keep your problems to yourself; so you don’t burden anyone. “The mail normally comes first Monday of the month, which means tomorrow.” I grinned, “I can’t wait to hear from her. I miss her so much.” I immediately regretted it, I’d said too much. Conceal. Conceal.
“I know dear. We do too.” Mamrie said quietly, trying to prevent her voice from breaking.
“How’s work?” Mr Bremworth said, quickly changing the subject.
“I’m still riding out my last promotion; I oversee the personal counselling and group therapy sessions now.” I smile, thinking of the work I love. “And the producer who was interested in me has made me a couple of sessions to work on a song, in the studio.” I grinned. Just the idea of making music was enough to put a permanent smile on my face.
The sound of knocking from the front door broke the conversation, and Mr Bremworth got up from the table to go answer it. Polite chit-chat ensued, but I could tell Mamrie was still recovering from my outburst of emotion (Just imagine… Actually feeling something!), but even the falsely motivated talk about the weather stopped when Mr Bremworth returned with the newly arrived guest.
“Mrs Bremworth, Miss Lovato.” The army clad commander greeted, no hint of emotion visible on his face. I could feel my world collapsing around me before he’d even said something. The commander doesn’t make a personal visit unless-
“Yes, Robert?” Mamrie greeted, her voice was calm but a quick glance at her shaking hands told you she felt otherwise.
“I’m so sorry.” He started, but those three words were enough to start the tears that cascaded down my face. After that I only heard snippets, my mind a blur of thoughts racing through; the intangible idea of losing her cluttered my mind and I couldn’t string together a coherent sentence of words. “Missing”, “Little chance”, “Body search”, the snippets I comprehended were too much. I couldn’t let anyone see me showing so much emotion. Conceal it. Conceal it. Conceal it. My mind stuck on a loop, I had to get out of here. My purse was in my hand when I got out the door and I was rummaging through it for something, my phone. Out of absolute instinct I called the one person who would drop everything for me. I called my best friend, my rock through all the shit that missing her, that her being away put me through.
“Nick?” I croaked, barely a whisper.
“Where are you, I’m coming.” He said, and I could hear his breath coming in pants as he ran: to me.
“Her parent’s house” I said, barely finding the willpower to hold the phone to my ear. I heard his car door close and listened to the sound of his engine in the background of the call. I sat like that, phone pressed to my ear. Not saying anything, not having anything to hear other than the sound of my best friend coming to rescue me. Only when his strong arms were around me, cradling me did I realise I was saturated from head to toe, and that it was raining, and I was shaking, and the world was falling apart and the sun was being painted over with black paint.
“Sit here, I’m going to grab you some clothes. You’re freezing.” He said softly, squeezing my hand ever so slightly as he sat me down, drenched in freezing rain water, on his expensive couch. I shuffled off the nice upholstery and sat, just as meaningless as a weed in the grass of humanity on his nice carpet, trying to minimize the patch I dripped on.
“Dem, why are you on the floor? Baby girl, come here.” He said softly, so carefully. I would’ve found his tone condescending had I possessed a mind with which to think. His arms were around me, cradling me closer, holding me tight to his chest, I could hear his heartbeat racing, working in conflict with the sound of his feet hitting the ground as he walked, carrying me to the bathroom. “Can you get changed yourself?” He asked, setting me down on the tiles, his face was carved from worry, his arm, outstretched, held a pile of warm, dry clothes that looked so appealing. I nodded, but my arm wasn’t obeying my thoughts, I couldn’t get it to move.
“Oh, honey.” He said, pulling my fragile frame into his arms once again. “Let’s get you changed, you’re still shaking.”
I sat there stupidly as he pulled my blouse off and pulled a big, fluffy hoodie over my head, before holding me to stand, helping me to pull a long pair of dry track pants onto my freezing legs. My hair was pulled up into a bun and once again I was listening to his heart, irritably working at a different pace to the pounding of his feet on the firm ground. I couldn’t feel myself crying but I gathered from the wet mark on the shoulder of his t-shirt that that was the case.
“Get some sleep, we’ll talk later.” He whispered, running his hands through my hair, soothing me to sleep. For once the nightmares didn’t bother me. Nothing could trump reality. My nightmares were a safe-haven, a temporary place I could wake up from; a hell nonetheless, but a temporary one.
A/N: SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN SO LONG I FEEL TERRIBLE BUT LIFE IS SO DAMN BUSY :P xxx
