Colour Me Red [COMPLETED]

20.

20.

     I woke up the next morning feeling like absolute crap. Now I had slept on my feelings and on the mess that had folded last night, I had chance to clear my mind and to think of my next step.

Firstly, I was being dramatic. Nick had lied to me but there must have been a valid reason for doing so. He had his reasons and I had mine for doing the things I did. I needed to hear him out.

Also, was I out of my fucking mind? My childhood rapist was down stairs and I had no intention of running for the hills yesterday. Today, I had to get out of here. I had to leave and fast, too.

Once my eyes had opened up fully, I rubbed away the sleep from my eyes and looked around the room.

My heart sank when I saw Nick sitting infront of the door of my bedroom. A small 5 o'clock shadow was forming around the bottom of his face, showing that he hadn't shaved for some time now. Also, his back was hunched and his head rested above his risen knees. He was sleeping in front of the door to make sure I was safe.

I got up from bed where I was in Nick's t shirt and not my own clothes. He must have changed me last night and I was grateful.

I went over to Nick's body and sat down beside him. Shit, how could I have been so stupid yesterday? This man did everything to protect me and keep me safe and I was just an over dramatic fool with a tendency to kick off over everything I thought was wrong.

There was nothing wrong with showing my feelings and showing them quite strongly, however, I felt guilty now watching the man I loved keep me safe when all I had tried to do was push him away.

I slowly leaned my head against Nick's shoulder, hoping not to wake him up. I felt much safer when Nick was here and I had no intention of leaving this room until Nick was right there beside me. If it wasn't for him, I'd be having a mental breakdown right this minute.

I couldn't thank him enough.

As soon as my head touched his shoulder, he sighed.

"What are you doing?" His voice sounded sleepy and gruff all at the same time. My heart seized in my chest.

"I don't know." I replied. I didn't know what I was doing or why. This man had every ability to fuck me up and make me a mess. I cared so deeply and that was the root of the problem.

"You're an idiot." Nick muttered. He sighed again. "You're so fucking stupid."

"I know." I whispered his way.

"How could you be so stupid?" He moved his head until he was looking at me. His eyes were a stormy blue, full of irritation and anger.

"I don't know." I didn't really know what to say.

"The guy who hurt you all your childhood is downstairs and living under the same roof as you. You couldn't even come back to my place just to be safe." He stated. "I know I lied to you, Cathy, but I hadn't raped you for years and neither did I mentally abuse you." Nick was livid now the more he spoke. I didn't what to say because after all, he was right.

I was fucking stupid.

"I was a mess." I stated. "Seeing him shocked me and I didn't know what to do or how to act. I didn't think I could cope." I shrugged my shoulders as I moved to look at him properly. "Being faced with the man who abused me as a teenager was fucking hard going."

"I know but it still makes me fucking mad that you won't help yourself." He fumed. "I just want you safe, Cathy, is that too hard to understand?"

"I know you're angry but have you ever had your childhood demon looking at you right in the eyes?" I questioned. "It didn't help that I was trying to make sense of you."