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CHAPTER FOUR:
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I walked with Nicky to my bunk to get her to calm down after the meth head's comment as it really seemed to get to her. Luckily, the bunks were empty as everybody was either at work assignments or hanging with their friends which meant that I would actually get a chance to talk to her without anyone interrupting or listening in.
''So why are you so upset about what they said? What happened to your ma?'' I asked, although I was worried about how she would react, I didn't want her to think that I didn't care. I didn't want her to shut me out. So, it came to me as quite a surprise when she did quite the opposite and open up about everything that she had been through. From her dysfunctional family and upbringing to the more recent events of her prison mother being attacked by a fellow inmate and being hospitalized. I was so in shock, Nicky was such a strong woman who had dealt with a lot of crap in her life and yet she still felt the need to not show her vulnerable side to people, I guess if anything it was a survival technique. I knew how things like this worked, most times that someone would open up to another person they would realise after hearing all of what is going through your head and decide they wanted nothing to do with it and so they would up and leave proving that no-one cares about your problems if there isn't anything that they can personally get out of it. I could see that Nicky was thinking that I was going to do this to her and I could see slowly she was regaining the cold exterior that kept her from showing her the real, human Nicky Nichols to the world. It hurt knowing that she felt this lonely, to be so sure that once you opened your heart to someone that they would abandon you, it made me feel sick knowing that she had obviously been through this one to many times in her life.
I grabbed her by the shoulders and held her close to me, people always say that actions speak louder than words and it turns out they do as she clung on to me and started sobbing. I pretty much froze, she was crying and all I could do was hug her, I never knew what to say in situations when people were upset which always got me in trouble, especially when I was younger. I've grown up being the only girl in my family, my father raised me alongside three boys whilst my mother has spent all of my upbringings in jail where she still remains. So naturally, growing up with a house filled with way too much testosterone meaning no-one shows their emotions, it was inevitable that I would be hopeless when it came to crying all I knew was how to pack a hard punch, not how to make someone feel better and offer that advice that would be beneficial.
We stayed like this for a few more moments and she eventually stopped crying which was a huge relief. I hated seeing her like this. I may have only known her for a couple of days but there was something there, I felt this compulsive need to be with her at all times and if she had a problem it became my problem if she was upset I was upset and so on. It was so unusual for me, I had always been the one to avoid relationships of any kind, I always liked to have an heir of mystery and intrigue and in this sense, I was like Nicky as I never wanted anyone to see the real me. I don't want people to know I was human. I strongly believe that this will be my downfall in life, showing the real me, the one that actually cares.
We ended up being brought back to reality by the fact that it was time for dinner. That's one thing that I was not adapting to in prison, the time, it either went unbearably slow or extremely fast that you felt like you needed to full-on sprint to catch up.
''You won't tell anyone about this, will you? Boo will have a field trip if she knows I had a breakdown in this prison'' the redhead whispered, her voice still raw from the crying that had practically ripped her apart. Her face was puffy and her eyeliner was none existent as a result of what had just happened.
''Of course not, our little secret,'' I reassured her whilst grabbing her hand to lead her to the cafeteria to meet with the rest of the group.
The prison was going to be tough on me, if not physically, emotionally, and I am dreading it.
